Very Mom has a post about just how hard it is to get through the last few weeks of pregnancy. She is far and away a much better writer than me, but she got me thinking about what’s been going on with me this week.
In a word, EMOTIONS.
Lots and lots and lots of emotions. Sad, worried, scared? Yes. Anxious, nervous, impatient? Yep.
Overly sensitive to any criticism? Oh, you’d better believe it. BC and the boys have been great for the most part, I get lots of extra hugs and kisses, and BC has been doing pretty much ALL of the housework, shopping, cooking, reading to Nathan, helping with homework, etc.
So it’s not surprising that he gets tired, and crabby, and occasionally mutters something under his breath about my being less than pleasant to be around and then oh my god the TEARS. I haven’t cried this much in years.
I have also developed a general anxiety, a feeling of restlessness and impatience that I assume is part of the late-pregnancy process. I even feel what I think is the nesting instinct, which is hard to act on when you are supposed to be laying on the couch and your husband keeps saying “10 more minutes of cleaning out that cupboard and then you are sitting down!”
I read a blog recently written by a new Mom, I think her name is Daisy. She had some interesting thoughts on what it feels like to not be pregnant, the feeling you have after the baby is born and your stomach feels empty for the first time in Nine months. And I realized that I am going to miss that feeling. Pregnancy gives me a reason to be more in touch with my body than I ever am when I’m not pregnant. Plus as uncomfortable as it can be, there will never again be a PERSON inside me, moving and hiccuping (did I spell that right?). It seems natural to have a sense of loss, of emptiness after giving birth. Maybe that feeling contributes to post-partum depression, along with the chemical changes the body undergoes.
So while I am desperate to NOT be pregnant anymore, to be able to sit upright without feeling dizzy, to be able to ROLL OVER IN BED or sleep on my stomach, I also acknowledge that there are even more emotions coming. The joy of having the baby combined with the sadness of not being pregnant. The exhaustion of not sleeping, the uncertainty that comes with figuring out just what a new baby needs from one minute to the next.
But I’m getting ahead of myself here. First I have to deal with the current emotions. In the interest of lightening both my mood and my family’s, I think I will turn to the one thing that always helps me feel better. Yes, I’m talking about ice cream. Tonight, while watching “Medium”, I will snuggle up to a pint of something chocolatey and peanut butter cup-y and make it all better. And if you read this whole post, you should have some too.