If you read my “When life gives you lemons” post, you’ll find a comment from MissA in which she suggests that it is wrong of me to feel what I feel and that I didn’t care about my mother in law. I tried to send MissA an email discussing it with her, but surprise surprise-the I.P. address is spoofed and the email is fake. Something about knowing that I was writing to a stranger brought out some deep feelings, so I’m going to post the email I wrote here. You don’t have to read it, or comment on it, this is one of those posts that is just to get something off of one’s chest.
So let me understand thisâ€¦ Your mother in law DIES and youâ€™re pissed because it upset your routine? Sounds like a completely sensitive route to take. I hope your husband cared more for her than you obviously did.
My attempted email reply:
You completely missed the point of my post. I’m not “pissed”, I’m stressed out and upset. I wrote the post knowing that my regular readers would be understanding and leave me nice, supportive comments. When someone in my blog community has a problem they write a post about it, and then we help each other.
I don’t understand why you felt the need to attack me personally. You don’t know me at all, you have no idea what I’m going through right now, and you certainly didn’t know my mother in law at all. Has anyone in your family ever committed suicide? No? Ever spent years and years trying to help someone, hoping that if you love them enough they will stop drinking themselves to death? No? I hope to God you never do.
As for your question, my husband cared for his mother to the extent that she would let him, as did I. What really upsets us is that this did not need to happen. She had us, other family members and friends begging her to get help. She talked her way out of the hospital by promising to go to rehab, then went to the intake appointment and lied about having been sober for more than a month. She lied about eating, lied about taking care of herself.
If she had a terminal illness, or a grave injury, and we knew there was a chance she could die, that would be one thing. You said in your comment “your mother in law DIES” as if she had a car accident or breast cancer. She drank herself to death. Her refrigerator was almost completely empty except for a gallon bottle of vodka, which was never there when we went to visit. God knows where she was hiding it. The food in the cupboards was the exact same food we bought her in March when she went to the hospital. She told us she was going to work and going to AA meetings.
So maybe I am angry. My husband no longer has a mother, my children no longer have their Nana. She didn’t have to die. I know alcoholism is a disease, but there is also treatment and help available for it. She turned down our offer to leave the tiny town where she lived alone and move in with us, because she wanted to keep drinking. I’m feeling stressed out and short-tempered because as frustrated and upset as we
were with her drinking, I’d rather have her drinking and alive than dead.
If you have any other questions or comments I’d appreciate you
emailing me directly.