Who do you have On Notice?

Not only am I completely stealing this idea from Suebob, I’m also stealing her entry for Barbie’s Pooping Dog, because that is so wrong in so many ways, it needs to be put on notice twice.

Yes, Kaitlyn has an ear infection, and I didn’t even know it. The only reason she went to the Pediatrician was for a follow-up to her six month checkup, when it was discovered that she has, well, how do I put this delicately? Her vaginal opening was not open. The medical term is adhesion. The treatment was a tube of hormone cream, Premarin, which can be prescribed for women going through menopause. I dabbed a tiny bit of it where her vaginal opening should have been once a day, and in another month it should be fine. Hope that’s not TMI for you.

So surprise, she had an ear infection. Amoxicillin now tastes like strawberry instead of like ASS like I remember from when I was a kid. She is also teething, and a constant stream of snot and droll pours out of her nose and mouth. It wouldn’t be so bad if the teeth would just come IN already. She has one tiny nub of a bottom tooth, and a faint smear of white on her top gum where a tooth is taking it’s own sweet time coming in, and that’s it. I wish it would hurry the heck up already.

What else do I have on notice? My camera, which I am starting to hate. The pictures never look right no matter what setting I use. I also hate that my favorite coffee shop muffin has 500 calories. Almost half a day’s worth of calories in one blueberry muffin! No fair.

My across-the-street neighbor, whom I have not seen at the kids’ school and therefore have not had a chance to wave cheerfully at and ask if she has gas, is absolutely anal-retentive about her lawn. She mows her grass twice a week, and every single afternoon she sweeps her entire driveway, the sidewalk in front of her house, and the STREET in front of her house. And picks up leaves individually by hand. Although it’s fun to watch while I’m doing dishes, she needs to cut that shit out and quit making the rest of us look like slackers.

My kids’ school has started fundraising already. We have this town here in Michigan called Frankenmuth, which I wrote about last Fall when some friends got married there. In addition to the world’s largest Christmas store, Frankenmuth also has cheese, coffee, candy and fudge shops, and they combine all of it into a huge school fundraising business. An 8 ounce container of Cheese spread for $8.50, 9 pieces of chocolate for $11.50? It’s ridiculous. But it’s also how the P.T.O. pays for field trips and classroom equipment and school activities, so I feel like I have to make at least a half-hearted effort. I’m giving Chris the order form to take to work.

Dust bunnies are on notice because although I wish I could ignore them, it’s time to make another half-hearted effort at getting the house clean before we have to seal up the windows and stop opening the doors unless absolutely necessary. It’s good to have relatively clean air to breathe in those circumstances.

It’s fun to put things on notice! Colbert’s a genius. Try it yourself at http://shipbrook.com/onnotice.

Elizabeth (1812 Posts)

I'm Elizabeth, a 40-something Michigan wife and mother of three. I created Table for Five in 2005 as a way to connect with other Moms, and I've been blogging ever since. Please click the About tab at the top of the page to read more about me and my family! email: table4five@gmail.com