My thoughts about this blog
Posted by
table4five)
I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog lately, while cooking dinner or doing the dishes, times when my hands are occupied and my mind is free to wander. I’ve been pondering why I’m blogging, what having a blog means to me and how I feel about being a part of the blogging community.
My conclusion is that I have gotten away from my original intentions when I first started blogging. Originally, I saw a blog as a way for me to keep a written record of my life as a mother, since I am terrible at filling out those baby books and have never kept a journal. I had no expectations as far as readership, or the number of comments I thought I would get, or even who I thought would read my blog. And now I realize that I am blogging for all the wrong reasons.
How many comments I get on a post matters WAY too much to me. I only post every few days because I find that it gives more people time to come here and leave a comment. And by doing that, I let whole days go by where I don’t stop and record what is happening. Except for birthday posts, I have all but stopped writing posts about the kids. I haven’t mentioned anything Kaitlyn is doing at almost eleven months old, let alone written those monthly “dear Kaitlyn” posts I thought I would write when I started. I’m not posting nearly as many photos as I would like to.
Worst of all, I have let my very self-esteem get wrapped up in who is or isn’t reading this blog. I have let myself feel bad because there are a few certain bloggers who no longer come here, or if they do, they no longer leave comments. These are bloggers who I think of as friends, and so I can’t help but wonder what I did to drive them away. There is a “queen bee” blogger who seemed interested in me before BlogHer, but once we met there, never came to my blog again. It bothers me every time I see her comments on the blogs of others who I think of as being in my “circle of blog friends”, but she never EVER comes here. Like some thirteen year old who is suddenly uninvited from the popular table in the lunchroom, I keep thinking back to Blogher, wondering what I did to turn this person off so completely.
Why the hell does it matter? I should not be blogging for comments. If someone, or even a whole group of someones decides that my blog no longer interests them, there is nothing I can do about it, and in the entire scope of my life, it is so completely unimportant. I am letting opportunities to record the details of my kids’ lives pass me by in a self-defeating attempt to attract the interest of people who are proving that they aren’t interested.
My husband always says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results every time. By that definition, I have gone insane.
It is for that reason that I was so psyched to read that Eden from Fussy is proposing that November be National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMO. The challenge is to post every single day in November. It will be the perfect opportunity for me to dig deep and find the moments in daily life that I want to remember. To stop blogging for comments and start blogging for myself. If you’re reading this, thank you. I appreciate the fact that you come here, whether you leave a comment or not. I hope you’ll stick with me as I rediscover why I love to blog.
| 2.5 |
You may not post a lot about the kids, but you do post a lot about YOU. With all you do for your family, maybe you just need a bit more of a you space.
I love getting comments, too. Maybe the person from BlogHer didn’t like you. I am 45 and I am only just coming to terms with that and realizing THAT IS OK. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. God knows there are plenty of people I don’t like!
p.s. I like you.
i love you even MORE after meeting you.
Ditto jennster!
As for your blog becoming different from what it started out to be– that isn’t a bad thing. Projects that play out over months, maybe years, are bound to evolve. But I’m glad you’re trying to take your voice back for yourself, instead of worrying about what your readers think of you.
I only met you for two seconds at BlogHer, but I thoroughly enjoyed those two seconds!
I don’t write as much about Little Guy as I did when I started my blog either. After reading this post, I’m feeling kinda of bad about that too. Maybe I’ll start the letter thing to help balance it out a bit.
But I also agree with Roo that blogs evolve and I think it’s OK if you have a “mommy” blog that isn’t all about your kids. I remember when a commenter pointed that out to me once when I was writing about how I felt back for not writing more about my son. She said that it was OK not to always write about him. But I do think that a balance of both is good.
Good luck trying to find your blogging goals. I do enjoy your blog and hope you keep it up.
Hi. I came here from Trendygal’s blog.
I want to tell you that comments is the last reason one should blog about. At least thats what I feel. A lot of people do come and visit but often do not leave comments. Actually in India where I come from, very few people leave comments. Blogging has not really caught on I guess. Even my close friends and relatives (I have a humoungous number!) will visit my blog and not comment!
I didn’t really know you until BlogHer… and now I love you! I don’t always comment because sometimes I feel like I have nothing to add to the discussion.
I don’t publish as many posts about my kids as I used to either. I do write them and just save them as drafts. Mostly because I have become more guarded about what I put out there and sometimes they really aren’t interesting to anyone but me… like the fact that my daughter calls the baby “Mini mini moo moo” as his name instead of Miles. But it those things that I want to preserve.
My hubby started our blog. I have ended up almost stealing it off him as he hardly ever posts, and I do every few days. Even though it’s ‘his blog’ I do the same, and have more than once said “Why didn’t people comment on that? It was interesting/funny/whatever”. I don’t worry too much though as I never had big readers or lots of commenters. Anyway what I try to remember is that doing it entertains ME! MOST important of all!
I can totally relate to this post. Why do I care so much about how many comments I get? Not healthy. I should really step away and stop for awhile but I can’t. Which sounds strangely like an addiction to me.
Sigh.
Are you sure I didn’t write this post? I didn’t even go to BlogHer, but I followed it through the postings and photos of others who did. In the flurry of emotion and good tidings I even picked up a few new friends/readers/commenters who I thought were possibly too popular to be interested in me. But really, it was just a one-time thing and they haven’t been back. Despite my visits to their blogs. And my comments. Sometimes I think that it’s we who make the popular bloggers who they are, but it’s never supposed to be the other way around.
I think about why I blog all of the time and I try not to let stats keep me down. I’ve heard we’re in a lull and it will pass.
I have never met you, but I feel certain that if I did I would love you. I love everything you post. Of course it isn’t all going to be about your kids, there is more to you than just your kids. I love reading what you have to say because you are so “real” and often say things that are things I would say. Write whatever you want, I’ll still read.
I know just what you mean, and have been having the same kind of thoughts as well. I started my blog to share pictures and stories with friends and family. Somewhere since then, I’ve become almost obsessed with checking my web stats and have even found myself thinking about how I could drive traffic to the site… or make it more engaging… or keep people coming back daily. What for? I started it for me, but now it’s for ME. And not in a really good way.
Boy, did this post hit home for me, too! I started blogging for pretty much the same reason you’ve stated - Mini-me’s baby book goes silent after six months - but, blogging has grown to become a more important part of my life, than I had ever imagined for myself.
Though, I still think blogging my personal site as “mommy therapy,” it can be very difficult (for me, at least) to have bloggers come in and out of your life and NOT take it personally.
Please, do try to keep writing…for you!
And I will be more than happy to stop by, read and leave a comment - even if it’s a simple “you go, girl!” - because, it’s a privilege to be able to read you…even if it’s only a glimpse.
Blog on, Momma!
Oh, girlfriend, you know how I feel about this whole issue.
I puffy heart you.
Next year, you and I are going to RULE BlogHer!
I hear you loud and clear! I sometimes censor myself, afraid of boring people, but then I poke myself and remember that I blog for myself, no one else.
I’m not even close to the popular table, but there’s space at my table for you!
I have really been surprised by how much traffic & comments matter to me (and I get very few of either). I think posting every day will be a great exercise–I’m going to try it too.
::this space intentionally left blank::
I’m not commenting, really, I’m not!
When i began writing a blog, i never expected anyone to read it. I only link to blogs in my sidebar that i actually read. I don’t only link to blogs that (like) link me back. I try to stay true to myself.
Having said that self aggrandizing bit of bravado, i do love it when people comment. I have taken to commenting more often now that i write too, because i understand how much comments are appreciated.
Does that make me shallow? Probably, but i am really having a blast. And the sense of community is very rewarding. I think it’s okay if someone whose writing i like doesn’t like mine. Like suebob said, i am not everyone’s cup of tea. And there are blogs that i don’t care for. Some of them are mightily popular too.
Do what pleases you.
Yeah. I totally understand, Elizabeth. Hang in there and do what you have to do to ensure your heart is happy.
I can relate a lot to this post — I started blogging for the same reasons that you did, and I feel like I’ve lost my way at times. I’m not enjoying blogging much these days. When I do write it sometimes feels forced. And you know, it almost seemed to start with BlogHer, although I didn’t have any revelations there (good or bad) about my blogging life. It just led to an energy shift with me.
You know you have your big fans (like me!) no matter how often you blog or what you write about. So keep on writing, and I’ll keep visiting when I can.
You and your blog can be whatever you want it to be. If it’s a release for you, good. If it’s to record kiddo stuff, fine. Do whatever floats your boat, and if people don’t like it, well, they can stick a keyboard where the sun don’t shine.
And fwiw, sometimes I don’t comment because I can’t think of something nice/good/coherent to say, other than “oh, monkey trumpets.”
Good for you Elizabeth. I hope you find a renewed love of doing writing for you and whatever you write, I’ll still drop by and read.
I like what WordGirl said and she’s right, there does seem to be a lull at least in my little corner of the blogosphere. Or maybe it’s just me ;o)
I think Suebob is right on about needing a space that is primarily about you. You can always set up a subdomain dedicated to the kids, keep it password-protected, and keep this space for yourself.
As for the lull, I’ve felt it too. I think it’s just a busy time of year for everyone. I love the idea of posting every day in November though. I can handle that, no problem. Keeping up with all my reading though - that’ll be a real challenge.
I think that your ‘motherhood’ totally shines through in your writing, even when you’re not writing about your kids. But I also think that if what you WANT to write about looks somewhat different, then you should do that.
I made a commitment to myself after BlogHer that I would only write when I felt like writing, when writing is fun. Sometimes, that means that I write about not being able to write. But I have to follow my heart with it, otherwise it ceases to be a joyful thing.
I also made a commitment to pace myself when it comes to blog-socializing. I set aside a couple of hours spread over a few days to do that - it means that sometimes I don’t comment as much, and it means that I don’t get to visit my friends as often, but it’s essential to my mental health. I used to get really anxious about missing something.
You’ve got to let your heart guide you. Just know that I’ll be reading you no matter what you write about.
I hope you never change your way of writing just to see larger numbers on your comment counter or site meter. I’m sorry you feel as if you compromised or changed your way of writing to please others (even if it was unconscious) but I’m glad you’ve found yourself again. Our true voice makes us more interesting, if only to who is most important - Ourselves!
Don’t feel bad. I love reading your posts. I write just for myself and it is a great feeling just to get stuff out. I think it is human nature to want people to like what they read and to tell us. I read quite a few posts a day. I wish I had this outlet when I had little ones. I sure am enjoying it now.
Chin up! I like what you write. I don’t always comment, but I do always read.
I totally relate to this post. And the more I work the less response I get. When I’m exhausted and actually have something to say and throw it up there, wha? People respond. Weird and totally unduplicable.
And annoying that it bums me out if no one comments.
I started my blog because I needed a place to be myself. Then I started to fall into the trap of checking my stats and it was really depressing. I started to care more about the comments than about what I wrote. And it changed what I wrote … because I wanted to sit at the popular table too.
I don’t look at my stats anymore. I may not even post every day. I post when I need to be heard. Even when no one is listening.
The reason I read your blog every single day is because you are real. I know that you don’t write to entertain the masses. I know that you write because you want to be heard. That what you say is important to you and you alone. I know that you write because sometimes it’s the only way you can say what you want to say, openly and honestly.
I write about my kids. Because it’s part of who I am, a mom. But I would never consider myself a mommy-blogger. That definition irritates me because it doesn’t describe me or most women in total.
I write about my family. What I do, how I feel, and the things that baffle me.
I’m not funny … well, at least not intentionally. I don’t have the cure for cancer. I’m a college graduate and yet I can’t figure out how to watch a movie and record a tv show on my DVR at the same time.
I read you every day because I know that in you I see me. And it’s a good feeling to know that I’m not alone.
I feel the same way as Krisco. I’ll work for days on something and I’ll think it is brilliant and nobody seems to care, and then I’ll post a picture of my kids (because I can’t think of anything to say) and freaking WONKETTE will link to it, and I’ll get 700 hits.
I don’t really understand what makes people relate to different things. I don’t know what makes people subscribe or unsubscribe, or why some people come around a lot and then they just stop showing up. It is strange because maybe they hate me, or maybe they are busy, and how can we possibly know? They live 1000 miles away.
I think it is important to blog about yourself too. Isn’t that what the kids will care about later anyway?
I understand. Completely.
But friends, even blog friends are the ones who don’t care What you write - we come back. (Maybe a bit slow, but we do!)
OK, I cannot resist any longer. 29 comments and not a one advising you of your typo: “My husband always says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting the same results every time. ”
I had to do some research on this because of some driving procrastination force from deep within. MY husband refers to this quote often as well. It is actually doing the same thing over and over and expecting DIFFERENT results. OR: the belief that one can get different results by doing the same thing. Sorry to be anal but I had a curiosity as to where this came from.
According to wildly varying sources on the internet, Einstein was credited with saying this, as was Benjamin Franklin, and according to my husband, it was actually Rudyard Kipling. Not to mention the Chinese Proverb “Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different outcome.”
Anyway… so I keep procrastinating, over and over, and expect to actually get some work done or my house cleaned. Hmmm….
Well I had never heard of you before Blogher and only started reading your blog after I met you - so if you lost one Queen Bee you picked up a umm lesbian bee? Or something dumb like that.
And I never comment because somehow I find myself writing too many blogs, none of which I’m doing well, and that leaves me with zero time to comment and I’m hating it.
When I saw you post this earlier in the week, I saved it to come back to - to thank you for giving me just a little nudge to make some changes. I’m going to - it will take some time, but I am. And then I’ll comment more, no matter what you write about. ‘Cause I thought you were very nice and very interesting at Blogher. So there to the Queen Bee.
Glad I’m not the only one who feels like there’s a bit of a lull. I’m trying to focus on just writing, but it’s hard not to get caught up in the comments.
I linked to this post. I hope you don’t mind. This post resonated with me and clearly a lot of others, as well.
And though I do’t hit ANY blogs with the frequency I used to (too many blogs and an overly energetic 16 month old have made me a less-than-ideal commenter lately) I love your blog AND you and you can write about whatever you want because it’s you I come here for as opposed to any specific topic. Do what makes you happy.
As for that Queen Bee blogger you speak of, all I can say is it’s her loss.
[...] The blogosphere is on it’s fricken ear lately. Or is that just me projecting onto everyone else? Many of us seem to be at turning points in our blogging endeavors. Some have quit. Some entertain quitting. Some are taking a break. Some are depressed. Some are feeling pressured. Others are feeling creatively-challenged. Some are re-evaluating why they blog at all. I hate to get all meta on ya’ll because I know some of you detest discussing blogging in the blog format but I don’t have any other outlet so here’s your chance to bail. Run while you can. The rest of you please make yourselves comfy, have a powdered sugar donut if you like *passes bag of Sweet Sixteens around* [...]
Thanks for writing this. I have many of the same feelings. I love to write, but I hate the popularity contest surrounding blogs.
I want to get comments! I want to get ad impressions!
Is the “craft” diluted by these things? Yes and no. I keep writing. I don’t write about things that are crowd-grabbers just to gain readers. But I can’t help but feel envy for those who receive more comments, more money, more friends, than I do.
Keep writing Elizabeth. I read your blog. I don’t always comment. In fact, I rarely comment on others’ blogs because I am concerned they might think I am “fishing for readers.” But I support other bloggers by visiting, clicking on ads, and so forth.
I am doing NaBloPoMo, too, and hope that it will be a great exercise. And, for those of us participating, I hope we can support each other - and perhaps find new blogs on which to become addicted!
I think you are remarkably introspective which is what makes you a good blogger in the first place. I love that you’re asking yourself the question, “who do I blog for?” If you can honestly answer that –and live with the answer, you’ll find peace with what you do and how you do it.
I apologize if I too haven’t been commenting much lately. Pregnancy has stolen a good 4 hours from my days and I’ve cut my blog reading/commenting/writing (yes, writing) to compensate for it. But I promise to come back more. It’s always worth my while.
[...] Reprinted with permission from Izzy, who is both beautiful and wicked smart. She has put into words exactly what so many of us have been thinking and posting about lately. Izzy, you rock, babe. [...]
Dare I say that my favorite posts of yours are about blogging. I usually hate it when people blog about blogging but the first post I ever read of yours was about blogging and I honestly like it when you write about blogging.
That and the fact that you are my son’s future mother-in-law will keep me coming back, not “dear Kaitlyn” letters, though I’m sure those would be interesting, too.
(Oh, and she never, ever reads my blog anymore, either!)