Taking it One Day at a Time since 1996
4 Oct
Is that what this is? This sudden feeling that I am making nothing but mistakes in my life?
You suddenly feel old, uncertain and vulnerable: “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “Where am I going with my life?”
You’re questioning career choices, re-evaluating commitments to friends and family, worrying about fading looks and mourning the passage of youth.
Welcome to a midlife crisis–that uncomfortable time when you no longer feel secure about your life as it is, but you can’t look backward without regret or look forward without foreboding. source: http://www.mothernature.com
That pretty much sums it up. We spend our twenties and even thirties feeling infallible, feeling like we have all these years ahead of us-and then we hit 40, and it occurs to us that assuming we live to be 80, we have reached middle age. And with that realization comes the thought that we only have so many years left to live the life we desire, but what if the choices we have made up to now leave us without the ability to live that life?
I love my husband, I love my children so much that “love” doesn’t even encompass the feelings, but do you know that every time I look in the mirror, I am honestly shocked at what I see? The image I have of myself in my head and what I see in the mirror do not match, not even close. I think I should see blonder hair, a bright complexion, and about 50 less pounds. And while I know that all of those things are possible to have, I still find myself wondering “how did I get here?”
Every morning I wake up with the same goals-eat healthy, get some exercise, be a good mother, be a good wife, keep my house if not clean then at least not embarrassingly messy, have a fulfilling social life. Every night I go to bed disappointed. And the only person who can change that is me. I’ve taken steps, joined Weight Watchers, for example, but it’s never fast enough, it’s never soon enough, I want it all to change now.
I need to change this blog. Like seriously change it. The theme that looked so fresh and new a month ago now just bugs the heck out of me. I don’t have the $600-$1500 for a custom design job, although I’ve found some premade themes for around $50-$60 that have potential. The problem I have is that I just don’t have artistic vision. I don’t seem to have the ability to choose a design that I like enough to look at every day, day after day. This blog is special to me, it was my first, and I want it to shine. I want to be able to give people the URL and feel pride at what they are going to see. And I don’t. It’s just, okay.
I have blogroll guilt. I feel like I should link not only to every blog I love reading, but to everyone who comments, everyone who blogrolls me-and there are just too many to be manageable. I’m sure people are wondering why they aren’t in my sidebar any more, and I promise, it’s not personal, it’s just unmanageable.
Sigh. I got my hair cut, and it looks okay, see?
She should be younger.
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40 Responses for "Midlife Crisis"
I know how hard it is to struggle with stuff. I, too, need to lose way more weight than I care to admit. There are no pictures of me on my site for a reason. But, you are taking steps in the right direction, and that’s how you change things. One step at a time. Mine may be baby steps, but I’ll get there. And I know you will too.
Oh friend, I could have written this post myself. It’s like, “holy crap! Is this it??!!”
I had such big plans for my life and now? I’m living the exciting life as a suburban working mom. Good times!! I wouldn’t give up anything that I have, but I want more. And then I feel greedy for wanting it–freedom, travel, excitement.
Do you know what I’d give to feel butterflies again?
*Sigh* You’re not alone.
You know, that fill in the blank at the end of the sentence “When I grow up, I wanna be a…..___________” doesn’t ever have to have one thing in it. Life is ever evolving, and to fully experience it, we have to experience all that comes our way to experience. And, if it gets boring, we shake it up a little.
In the world of me, there is no set weight that is perfect. In the world of me, just knowing I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, is good enough, so long as I’m filling my brain to capacity with each experience I take on.
And, the thought that we are perfect, interesting, ideal and sane — just the way we are is what keeps me going. I’ve decided that society is wrong and I’m right.
Elizabeth, you’re a wife. You’re a mom. You’re beautiful. You’re brilliant. You’re funny. You’re a blogger. You’re who you are because of the experiences you’ve come through this far. All you have to have is a direction to point in and you’ll go on to your next. Boredom is not my idea of a good time. But, instead of changing things you really don’t want to, why not change things you do?
I’m not saying that laziness is a good thing. But…if you are ecstatic and the house is messy, or if you beat whatever challenge you’ve given yourself for a big fat bowl of superman ice cream…isn’t it better to be happy for yourself than to be miserable because society thinks we should do things otherwise?
I say screw society. We are who we are, and I got tired of feeling guilty about it ages ago. I’m a pain in the arse, a bit abrupt,I swear like a pirate, I’m sarcastic as they come, and I like me.
You should like you too…you’re sexy, smart and a pretty damn good person.
I love the new haircut. You look great!
I think your hair looks really good.
I think we all have moments where we look at ourselves and don’t like what’s looking back at us.
We are the only ones who can change what stares us back.
Jenn-Thanks for your supportive comment, hon. That really helps! I don’t know what I would do without blog friends to pat me on the back when I’m feeling down
Shannon, YOU say the sweetest things! I think “sexy, smart, and a pretty damn good person” needs to be my new tagline! LOL But seriously, thank you. You are exactly the kind of friend I need-the kind who can give me the no-nonsense kick in the pants I need when I’m down. This whole job thing, it really threw me. My boss (you know who I mean) didn’t return any of my emails, Skypes, or phone calls today. Makes me a little insecure, you know? And yes, I would rather be happy, laughing with my family, and having the house be messy, than have a spotless house but no joy in my life. If you were here I would smooch you for your kind words
Mary-Thanks! I’m going back in a few weeks to have my color done, I want to be blonder. Like you! LOL
Kat-Thanks! My husband was all “you are FORBIDDEN to cut the back any shorter”-ha! What is it with men and long hair?
MammaLoves-Thank you for those kind words of support. I think it comes down to “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, you know? We can’t wait to quit working and stay home with our kids, then we miss the excitement of being out in the world!
By the way, you won the Rocket’s Firebird Rescue DVD! I need you to email me with your name and address so I can ship it to you!
I think your hair looks great! Cheer up, girl! Life is still what we make it.
I think your new hair cut looks awesome!
I find myself lately really wanting to kick the heck out of 40 (I’ll be there in two years) and not just saying I’m going to do something but to get out there and actually do it! It’s easy to get into a rut, especially with young children.
I don’t even have a blogroll any more. Is that horrible or what? I was going to move it to a separate page and ended up deleting it. I still link to a lot of bloggers, though. It was just getting too ridiculous with me stressing out over who to link to and linking to people who linked to me even if I didn’t read them.
Hope tomorrow is a great day for you. And, hey…congrats on the blog radio gig!
Hey Elizabeth..
I have just started working with Wordpress. I am surprised at how easy it has been to make a theme I love. So two questions I have - do you have a test blog where you can try things before letting them go live, and have you tried playing with your CSS stylesheet at all?
I thought the theme you made was excellent with the small exception of those two things. If you can get a format you love - three columns, because I know you wanted that - then I think you can create something truly awesome.
I’ve sent you an email with a sneak preview link to what I’ve put together - which isn’t quite finished yet, let me know what you think..
My thought is this. Find a theme you really love the look of - I found freedom green which was SEO’d by Court (look here for a few templates - I note Tiga is there) and then simply change the colors to suit.
The other thought is, yes I did think about buying a theme myself. Some of the ones at Unique Blog Designs were fairly reasonable but you would have to really, truly love them in order to spend the money, I think.
The language of your blog design (html, css style sheets) is something you can choose to learn - and you probably know a lot more of it than you think you do.
Cheers,
Snoskred
Julienne-Thank you for your comment and for stopping by Table for Five, please come back again soon!
Jamie-Thank you for the compliment! And I see you know exactly what I mean about the blogroll-it started out with me linking to the few blogs that I absolutely must read every day, and then I started thinking what about this one? what about that one? And next thing I knew, it was out of control. I’m going to wait until I find a new theme, and then see what kind of room there is. Maybe I’ll do a weekly random sampling or something instead.
Snoskred-I didn’t get your email yet, but I really appreciate all your help and suggestions. I think if I could take the Tech-O-Crunch theme and get my custom header at the top, and then work some color in, that would be great. That one I made with the Theme Generator had the right colors, but only one sidebar. I’ll let you know when I get your email! Thanks again!
I can’t write that I know how you feel because I am not there yet but I do have days that I feel completely overwhelmed and frustrated at what my life has become. They are usually days that I am too tired and have not had any nurturing time for myself in awhile. I hope that you feel better soon. By the way, the hair cut looks good!
I can totally relate to “I think I should see blonder hair, a bright complexion, and about 50 less pounds.” Even if things were as I thought they should be, I would most likely find something else to nit-pick. Stupid OCD will get me every time. Just keep striving for what you want without beating yourself up when you don’t reach your goals.
I like the haircut! Very Nice!
It’s the weather. We’re all there.
And, I like the haircut, too. I know what you mean about the blogroll. It’s hard to keep up with. I am committing to once/month. ’bout the best I can do.
Your hair looks pretty!
i feel old too and Im still in my 20’s…old is a state of mind
as far as long hair, guys like it because it looks better, so nyah
and for your theme, what is wrong with using a free wordpress theme and just having a link out?
Elizabeth, the new haircut looks great!
I swear, though, the entry that you just wrote could’ve been written by me. We all go through this. A lot of days I look in the mirror and I want to throw something at the reflection!
I LOVE your new cut, lady.
I know what you mean about the blog themes. Can’t decide on any one design either, so I change alot.
There’s a bunch of us moms who get together on Wednesday nights. We have some drinks, laugh, connect. It has made a great difference in everyone’s life. We all look forward to Wednesdays now. And many of us have our hubby’s “trained.” Just makes life a little brighter to know you’ll be able to share funny stories and kick back with a drink with some great gal pals. Maybe that’s something that can help you? To get together some pals for a standing date? Just a thought.
First of all, LOVE the haircut! I may print it off and bring it in for me!
Second… Breathe… Go get yourself some “alone” time with a good book, or go see a movie — or you and Chris go out on a date or something!
When I get to feeling this way, I know it’s time for me to take a mental break!
I hope you start to feeling better!
I find the best thing is to avoid mirrors completely as I am always shocked there is not still some young person looking back at me. It’s starting to dawn on me I am getting old. I so know what you mean with many of the points from this post. You’d probably be surprised at how many people actually do relate!
Love the haircut.
We all have days like this, Elizabeth. Ones where we are not sure of the direction we are going.
You have a super looking blog. Don’t feel you have to change it in a hurry. Take your time and find the design that is perfect for you.
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Amanda-I think you are right. I need some pampering!
I get nervous that I haven’t done all I want to do. I am 49 and am working now to do the things I want to do.
I love your hair! And I hope you’re feeling better. It’s still in the 90s here, but we expect that. It’s still weird not to have seasons though.
Your hair is great. I wish I could have strong hair like yours. Next week I will have a hair cut myself and believe it or not I don’t have a haircut for a year, yes twelve months. I really need one.
Regarding the blogroll I have the same problem, not enough time, here I am at 2:10am with everyone sleeping in the house and I’m catching up with some posts.
oh…just to add…I just found out my blog went from PR3 to PR2, I’m mad and sleepless…
Someone told me that life begins at forty. Yeah, so does fallen arches, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times. Judging from your picture, you’re no where close to that! Besides, I understand that the best ten years of a woman’s life are between 29 and 30.
Anyway, what’s to worry about. You’ve got a great hair style and a great blog theme — at least to me. Especially since I remembered to put on my glasses before visiting! Now why did I come here….?
Sheila-I think you hit the nail right on the head. Because I am such a “glass half-empty” kind of person, I can almost guarantee that once I lose the 50 pounds and clear up the complexion, I’ll still find fault with something. What I really need to do is spend some time contemplating how LUCKY I am. I mean, my god, I live in a free country with a house, two cars, good schools for my kids, more food than we can even eat, medical care-what the heck do I really have to complain about, you know? I appreciate your compliment, too
Ree-Thanks for the comment! I wish I didn’t have such a horrible cold so I could get out and actually ENJOY this beautiful weather we’re having. It’s 85 degrees and the trees are changing color, which should mean ROAD TRIP, not stuck in bed with tissues and cough drops LOL
The blogroll is all about priorities. There’s room for it on my sidebar if I want there to be. I’ve been thinking a lot about why I started blogging, what I wanted to get out of it. For example, I just opened a WidgetBucks account, that’s the thing in my right sidebar with the links to all the TV shows out on DVD. It’s neat and I like it, but is it more important than recognizing other bloggers? No, not really. So this is what I struggle with, blogroll-wise.
Thank you, Sarah!
mantel man-Thanks for the comments! As you can see from the photo, I am indulging my husband’s wish that my hair be below shoulder-length, and I intend to let it grow longer if possible! It’s a small thing to do to make him happy
This theme I’m using now is a free theme, and I like it okay, it just doesn’t jump off the page and yell “Table for Five! Personal parenting blog!”, to me. So I will keep looking. Thanks for coming to Table for Five, please come back again soon!
Lisa-Thank you for the compliment, and for your kind words of support! It’s good to know I’m not alone
Lisa (MoB)- That would be great, to be able to go out every week just with friends. I wish I could convince my other mom friends to do it! I wish they had MOPS groups for non-church going Moms, that would be so great.
I’ve always hated the word crisis because it’s not necessarily one. It’s just another stage on the journey, so feeling unsettled at times is OK
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