Last Monday, Chris worked from home. In the afternoon, he took Kaitlyn to a nearby park to play. This park has two play structures, a newer one near the front and an older one near the back, and a bathroom building. When Kaitlyn needed to go potty, they were at the front playground, so he put her in the car and drove her to the back of the park to go to the bathroom.
Chris has a policy of never taking Kaitlyn into a men’s bathroom, because they are always filthy. He doesn’t even like the boys going into them. So, Chris took Kaitlyn into the women’s bathroom just long enough to help her up onto the potty, then he stood outside the building waiting for her to finish. When she called to him that she was done, he went back in to help her wash her hands, then they got back in the car and drove back to the front of the park.
Kaitlyn ran off to play and Chris started chatting with another Dad that was there with his daughter, and as they were sitting there, a police car pulled up. The officer got out and walked right up to Chris. “Sir”, he said, “is that little girl over there your daughter?”, pointing to Kaitlyn. “Yes”, Chris said.
Someone had CALLED THE POLICE to report a suspicious man coming out of the women’s bathroom with a little girl and putting her into a car. A happy, skipping, smiling little girl who was then driven BACK TO THE PLAYGROUND to continue playing after using the potty. The person who called the police apparently forgot to KEEP WATCHING the SUSPICIOUS MAN to see what he did with the little girl after putting her in the car.
Not only that, but all the cop did is ASK Chris if he was Kaitlyn’s father. Wouldn’t a kidnapper or molester or whatever just say oh yeah sure, I’m her Dad? The cop didn’t ask Kaitlyn to point to her Dad or anything. How did he know Chris was who he said he was? I guess I’m glad the police took the call seriously in case something suspicious was going on, but it still bugs me.
I’m not faulting the police, what makes me angry about all of this is that I live in a society where a man with a little girl can be so easily pegged as suspicious. Dads take their daughters out places, and those daughters have to go potty, what is the Dad supposed to do?
I took my boys to lots of parks when they were little, and took them in and out of bathrooms, and no one ever called the police on me. And yet a woman could just as easily be a kidnapper or molester. I’m angry FOR my husband, that he would have to explain himself while enjoying an afternoon at a park with his daughter. I’m angry that someone glanced at Chris standing outside that bathroom, or coming out of it with Kaitlyn, and thought OMG I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE.
Has anything like this ever happened to your husband or significant other? Would you have called the police if you’d seen a man come out of a woman’s bathroom with a young girl, if the situation was the same as I described? I’d really like to know what you think about this.
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Twitter: bcmom
says:
It’s hard to know how to feel. I guess it’s good to know that the people around the playground are looking out for the kids and that the police take these things seriously. Could the police have handled it differently? Probably, but once they realized the ‘suspicious man’ hadn’t driven off with the little girl but had just taken her back to the playground, they probably realized there really wasn’t an issue. However, because someone called, they were obligated to at least talk to Chris.
.-= Anna´s last blog ..$5 Movies =-.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
You’re right, I know the cop was just doing his job. I just wish my husband hadn’t been suspected by someone when he was just parenting!
I say better safe than sorry, even if it upsets someone or inconveniences them! What if the situation had been different and your child had been kidnapped?
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
Laura – You’re absolutely right. And my husband wasn’t upset at all about it, I’m the one who’s bugged by it!
Twitter: blm03
says:
Bill takes Madison into the men’s room. I’m sorry but too many bad things can happen even with a parent standing outside the door.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
Chris peeked his head in first to make sure there wasn’t anyone else in the women’s bathroom before he went in to help Kaitlyn. I told him next time to just let her go in herself. But for all I know, the person who called the police called after seeing him waiting outside the bathroom, her coming out, and them getting into a car together. We’ll never know.
Twitter: blm03
says:
Nope, still isn’t allowed to go in by herself. But I live in Chicago where its a tad more dangerous
Twitter: nikki412
says:
Hmmm…at first I thought “omg I hate that people suspect things like this” then I guess you have to in the world we live in. Also, I don’t think I would of called the cops, I would of watched and if they left the park right away, I would of got the license plate and reported it being suspicious, but since he went back down and they played some more I would of assumed it was a dad. No biggie. My hubby has never had anything like this happen to him, but when we are at the mall and when my son was younger and would use the changing tables he said he would get bad looks from guys coming in while he was changing our son? I never understood why, but oh well.
.-= nikki´s last blog ..Learn how to pick your battles, please. =-.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
Maybe I’m just too naive. I would like to think that anyone who sees my husband and daughter together would never suspect him of being anything other than her Dad. Especially considering that she has him totally wrapped around her litte finger! Unless she started crying when they got in the car thinking they were leaving the park. I’ll have to ask him.
Twitter: gishers
says:
I cannot fathom something like that happening, but given the world we live in, it’s no big surprise that people would call the cops on something like this. The one thing I can say I am somewhat appalled with is the police officer’s reactions in regards to asking your husband if he was Kaitlyn’s father. Had he not been her father, the police would have just let a kidnapper totally walk away with another person’s child.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Head Start & Early Intervention Picnic =-.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
I was surprised by that too. My first question to Chris was, well, how could the cop prove you were her father? Did he question her at all? If it was a kidnapping, you’d think the cop would want to observe the kid, see if they seemed scared at all.
Twitter: HeatherinBC
says:
I think I’m glad to hear a concerned citizen made the call. Perhaps they realized the mistake & took the easy way out when the cops came.
That’s a really tough one – but Dad’s need to be aware of the potential problems a simple bathroom trip can cause, as men are ‘usually’ the predators, right?
.-= Heather in BC´s last blog ..Summer Nights Aboard Yacht in Vancouver =-.
Twitter: twitter.com/adaliaj
says:
It is one of those scenarios that falls into the category of “you are dammed if you do and you are dammed if you don’t.” It’s the time we live in and it’s for intelligent, loving people not to over react and look at the intention… was someone saying your husband did not have the right to take his little girl to the bathroom? NO Was someone saying your husband looked like a criminal? NO. It’s all about intention and the person’s intention was to bring attention to the possibilities. The police on the other hand should have done some further investigation but wouldn’t that have made you and your husband angry? Hopefully, not…remember this, we believe tragedies, such as a young girl being kidnapped, only happens to other people. If we focus more on the intention of others rather than how it makes us feel…we would avoid a lot of conflicts in the world at large.
Peace and Love!
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
I understand exactly what you are saying. I’m not angry at the police, after some thought, I’m not really angry at the person who called, although I wish they hadn’t jumped to such a conclusion. I’m angry at living in a world where people have to worry so much about other people’s intentions.
Sending peace and love right back at you!
Twitter: USAShopper
says:
Hey saw your post on FB comments circle. After reading this it just reminds me how some folks forget to really check in on all the facts before they sound an alarm. Glad to know that people are watching out for others though. I enjoyed reading this post.
.-= Cara Wadsworth´s last blog ..Custom Heirloom DVDS =-.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
The more I think about it, the more twisted up my feelings gets. On the one hand, I would never want a possible abduction or harm to a child to be blown off. On the other hand, how did that policeman know for sure that Chris was really her Dad? He could have been a trusted family friend, someone Kaitlyn felt safe with, who was secretly a psycho.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more freaked out I get!
Twitter: MomsGreenList
says:
As someone who was picked up and molested right on my own street as a child I would have to say that I can see where the person was coming from who called the police. Better safe than sorry and if it wouldn’t have been your husband you would have been pretty happy that they had checked into it. Personally it makes me happy to know that people still care enough in this society to be bothered to watch out for a little girl tehy don’t know. It wouldn’t have bothered me or my husband (I asked him) at all if the same thing would have happened to him.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Winners of the Green Brita Water Pitchers =-.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
Oh Lisa, omg. I am so sorry. After much thought, I am glad the other person cared enough to be concerned and make the phone call. I’m freaking myself out thinking of all the things that actually could have been happening to my daughter. Chris wasn’t bothered by the phone caller or the cop, it won’t change his behavior although he’ll let Kaitlyn go into the bathroom by herself next time.
I would be glad someone cared. I can see how it would be upsetting though.
Twitter: dawniemom
says:
Ok, I had a long comment written, but saw that it could incite, so I deleted.
#1 – I’m glad that someone noticed a man standing outside a restroom where kids play.
#2 – I’m sort of glad, for your daughter’s sake (and everyone’s children) that that person called the police because you simply do NOT know from watching a situation from the comfort /safety of your own space, what is really going on. I.e. just because she ran off smiling and got back in the car isn’t an indicator that everything was fine).
#3 – If it were me, had I *not* called the police, then I’d worry that it was a creep – and the uncomfortable feeling of having the police asking an innocent man a question or two is much more preferable to asking the sobbing mother what her child was last wearing.
As I mentioned to you via chat, I don’t know how he would have handled it any differently, because obviously a kid’s gotta do what a kid’s gotta do. Perhaps as she gets older, it won’t be an issue. But still – frustrating to know that the police didn’t actually question your daughter.
.-= Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You´s last blog ..everyone could use a little swag(bucks) =-.
Twitter: blm03
says:
Dawn, I’m with you. I can’t believe the police just took his word for it. Though I’m not sure how Chris would have proved he was her father either.
Twitter: techguy
says:
Interesting story. The problem I see in the story is your husband’s issue with taking her into the Men’s restroom. They’re not that much dirtier than the Women’s. I think I’d start wondering if some guy came out of the Women’s restroom. Although, I would have definitely watched where the person went and once they got to the playground and were just playing I would have let it go.
Think if your daughter was kidnapped by some strange man. Then, you’d be REALLY grateful that the cops were called.
Luckily it hasn’t happened to us yet because our older two are boys, but still.
Could you imagine the hullabaloo if he’s taken her into the men’s room, though? All I can imagine is a SWAT team. *sigh*
Glad everybody’s okay though.
.-= Lanna´s last blog .. =-.
Twitter: blm03
says:
My husband always takes our daughter into the mens room. No one bats an eye.
I think it’s a shame that our society seems to think men who like children are in general creepy, and I’m sorry your husband was questioned. On the other hand, I can see why someone might have thought there was something suspicious about a man taking a girl into the women’s room.
A tricky situation. I guess I agree with the commenter who said she was glad someone cared enough to make the call. After all, in the end, nothing came of it.
I think many of your readers would benefit from a trip over to http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/.
Twitter: nicknydegger
says:
I don’t think in this day and age, when everything is under a microscope, it is ever a good idea for a man to go into a womens room regardless of the circumstance.
yea its very hard to believe that but this type of things do happen though, but im pretty sure he explained to them the reason, and if they dont wanna accept it then thats their problem.
Sometimes it’s good to know they are protected, yet the slightest incident can be reported.
.-= Jean-Luc Picard´s last blog ..TWQ: Bad Inventions =-.
It is one of those scenarios that falls into the category of “you are dammed if you do and you are dammed if you don’t.” It’s the time we live in and it’s for intelligent, loving people not to over react and look at the intention… was someone saying your husband did not have the right to take his little girl to the bathroom? NO Was someone saying your husband looked like a criminal? NO. It’s all about intention and the person’s intention was to bring attention to the possibilities. The police on the other hand should have done some further investigation but wouldn’t that have made you and your husband angry? Hopefully, not…remember this, we believe tragedies, such as a young girl being kidnapped, only happens to other people. If we focus more on the intention of others rather than how it makes us feel…we would avoid a lot of conflicts in the world at large.
+1
Twitter: tanyetta
says:
Has anything like this ever happened to your husband or significant other?
ANSWER: No. This has never happened but, it’s good to know that this might be a situation to come up and I am going to be sure and tell my husband about this.
Would you have called the police if you’d seen a man come out of a woman’s bathroom with a young girl, if the situation was the same as I described?
ANSWER: It’s easy to explain this is what was going on but, from a strangers point of view, it probably looked suspicious to them. I am annoyed the officer didn’t follow through and question your daughter as to who the man she’s with, etc…It never hurts to be safe than sorry.
Truthfully, I am very leery of things. I guess it depends on how I felt during the time of the incident. It’s hard to say YES or NO without being there.
I’d really like to know what you think about this. I am going to be that MOM though. You know, the ONE that takes her 10 year old into the ladies room with her. Covering his eyes the entire time of course! *lol*
GREAT TOPIC Elizabeth. Sorry this happened to your family but, thankfully this happened to let us know you’re living in a town where the officers actually respond to “HUNCHES”
It is not permissible to a cop to be so naive! It is not allowed to trust even yourself, what is about the others…
You can’t be enough careful, there is danger everywhere.
.-= MissSapphire´s last blog ..true blood =-.
We live in a society dominated by fear, and everything around us seems suspicious. So, in a way it’s good that the police it’s doing its job, but terrifying that we can’t trust anyone anymore.