This past week has given me a whole new appreciation for single Moms and Dads. I do not know how you work, either in an office or at home, plus take care of kids, plus keep up with grocery shopping, meal prep, dishes, laundry, housework, doctor’s appointments, checking the homework, getting everyone to bed on time – it’s exhausting. Mentally and physically.
I am a terrible housekeeper, that’s no secret. I can’t prioritize the work and so I just let it go as long as possible. I’m trying to delegate chores to the kids, but yesterday Ryan was standing next to me rinsing a dish at the sink and I noticed he looked really sad. I asked him what was wrong and he of course said “nothing”. I said “honey, you know you can talk to me any time about any thing. Is everything okay at school?”
“Yes.”
“Everything okay with your friends?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then what is it?”
He heaved a sigh and said “it’s just so stressful here at home.”
Oh. OH.
Now, this is a kid who is more than happy to help out around the house. But without realizing it, I had been piling more work on him than he could really do, and he was trying hard to keep up with my requests without complaining, but it had just gotten too much for him.
I’m just glad he said something. I put my arms around him, which isn’t easy since he’s a foot taller than me, but I pulled his head down towards mine and kissed his scratchy cheek (14! razor stubble at 14! who knew!) and told him I was sorry. “I’m so sorry, Ryan”, I said. “I”m so, so sorry.”
He nodded his head. “I love you”, I said, and kissed him a couple more times on his cheek. “I love you too”, he said.
I’m lucky. So, so lucky.
I’m hanging in there by my fingernails as far as the house is concerned. Everyone is wearing clean clothes today, but I think the boys had to hand-wash spoons this morning to eat their cereal. There’s toilet paper, but the bathroom floor is in desperate need of sweeping and mopping. The kitchen floor – well, probably best not to look too closely at the kitchen floor.
I go to Sparrow Weight Management this afternoon for the start of Week Two on the program. It includes a weigh-in. I’m terrified they will tell me I haven’t lost any weight. I feel lighter, my jeans are buttoning without digging into my stomach flab, but scales can be tricky things. If it’s two pounds, I guess that’s two pounds less than last week, and I still have 23 weeks to go. I’m trying to not worry myself into a high blood pressure situation like last week.
Anyway, I’ll wrap this post up by once again saying BRAVO, Single Moms and Dads. You are unsung heroes.
I'm Elizabeth, a 40-something Michigan wife and mother of three. I created Table for Five in 2005 as a way to connect with other Moms, and I've been blogging ever since. Please click the About tab at the top of the page to read more about me and my family! email: table4five@gmail.com
Twitter: homemom3
Don’t feel too bad, keep in mind that as kids we probably had to do the very chores the kids are complaining or not complaining about. I know I have been going to college for the past 1 1/2 years and the course load can get really tough and when I’m in “School mode” I focus only on it. My oldest is 13 and has been doing a good portion of the daily household tasks. I totally respect and love him even more for that. Recently enlisted the girls to do their fair share and only get gripes and crying about it. I’m sorry but here’s the way to look at it…
Did you not just use that dish? Why could you not at least rinse it off? I tell you if they could learn that task I’d allow them to use the dishwasher, but I get them throwing all the food on the plate and all in the sink. No way am I getting to it at 10:30 pm after my class is over. I also get the same thing when I hear, “My shirt isn’t clean!” I simply ask, “Was it in your hamper?” I get “no” then I respond, “Was it in the laundry room?” Still no, then I hear, “but it was in my room on my floor.” Umm yeah there’s the problem, the room isn’t clean. “But mom can’t you just clean it for me?” I love my kids more than life itself, but I’m also going to college to make a better life for them and me. Kids these days don’t do chores much and expect it all to be done. Imagine their life as they get older and move out.
What I’m trying to say is don’t be too hard on yourself. Kids need to do chores and you noticed your son being upset and that shows you care. Not to mention you covered him in kisses.
Take care and try not to stress too much.
Twitter: Table4Five
replied:
Thanks Eliza, I appreciate your kind words. Don’t even get me started on the kids just piling their dishes in the sink. We don’t have a dishwasher, so both the boys know how to hand-wash dishes. If they would just rinse out their stupid water bottle that isn’t even really dirty, or rinse out the cereal bowl before the cereal gets glued to the side – never mind actual just hand-washing the dish the first time!
They might grumble about it, but the boys do dishes, laundry, mow the lawn, vacuum – so I think I’m doing okay at preparing them for living on their one some day.
I just feel bad that Ryan felt so stressed out.
Hang in there. We face so many challenges in our daily chores! My house can certainly get overwhelming – and I thought I was organized
But we just keep plugging away and somehow all the important stuff gets done.
Twitter: Table4Five
replied:
Thanks Esther!
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Twitter: dawniemom
Elizabeth, as your internet twin, I can assure you that we’ve found yet another area that we’re the same. LOL
Washing a spoon isn’t going to ruin your children. Having them be responsible for stuff around the house teaches them to BE responsible (ok, in theory) and I’m sure it’s just having Chris gone – but fortunately, he’ll be back soon annnnd you can get back to normal
Twitter: Table4Five
replied:
Why am I not surprised? LOL It wasn’t just washing a spoon, though. I had been asking him to do this and go here and take that downstairs, kind of all at once. I was stressed out and needed to take a step back. I do wish Chris wasn’t still gone for 10 more days though
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world even if you are single or not. I have 2 children. Ages 5 and 4 and I have no idea how I was able to maintain being a stay at home mom when they were just babies. From the crying, pampers, cleaning, and not enough time for me, I thought one day for sure I was going to pass out. But when I started to take time for myself to regroup I realized some of the stress and pressure went away. I went from being a wife and stay at home mom, to a single working mom and it is so hard but I know in the end all I can do is pray and ask for strength and keep striving everyday to make sure I am not only a good parent but also taking care of myself.
But thanks for this post because it is good to sometimes hear another mom talk about this lol. I tell you kids have no idea how easy they have it. You should have blog meets were we all can sit at our computers just for 10 minutes with a cup of tea and chat about our day.. It never ends and I am still in the process of trying to teach my kids to stop taking there shoes off in the living room and having to literally go through a 15 minute crying spree just to do their homework… Please if anyone has some ideas HELP lol
I’m sorry, yeah it sucks. Like you said, it’s quite draining, mentally and physically. On the bright side – at least you don’t have a nursling right now, eh?
That throws a whole ‘nother dimension of insanity to it.
So is Chris gone for the month? We only had 3-4 week stretches with a stray weekend visit here, but yeah, almost all of the last year was pretty much a loss in my house.
It is very brave on your part that you accepted about your housekeeping skills.Yes it is true that leading single parent life is way difficult than a normal pair parent life.You need to accept more responsibilities as a single mum or father.One needs to put more effort in making everything in right order including household activities ,office ,children and other stuff.
Twitter: blondemomblog
My husband was really sick a few weeks ago and it was horrible getting the girls ready for school in the mornings and myself ready for work. HORRIBLE! It’s a wonder we all survived LOL.
I’m not the greatest housekeeper either. It’s tough to juggle it all and I think (I know) we all have trouble with balancing home/work/parenting/homework etc.
Hang in there!
p.s. 2 pounds is awesome…every little bit helps. I was doing great and then Halloween came along.
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