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It used to be that when I saw a character in a TV show having a meltdown and it turned out that it was because they weren’t taking the medication they needed, I would think to myself “jeez, how hard is it to take a pill every day?” Hypocrite, thy name is Elizabeth.
I certainly don’t wake up in the morning and decide that I just won’t take my medication. The bottle sits on the kitchen counter in plain sight. But since we went down to one car, the days that I do have the car are spent running around trying to get errands done that can’t be done on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I’m house-bound.
For newer readers, back in February of 2007 I had three moderately severe anxiety attacks. My doctor changed my antidepressant to the generic form of the antidepressant/antianxiety medication Effexor. If I take it every day, the fog I would walk around in otherwise lifts, and I can participate in and enjoy life. Problem is, I get to a point where I’ve been feeling good for a while so I start skipping pills. I’ll be okay for as long as a week, then I’ll realize the fog is creeping back in.
To make matters worse, we had a problem accessing our Health Savings Account. Chris has money taken out of every paycheck, pre-tax, and deposited into an account that we can use to pay co-pays. They mailed us new cards at the beginning of the year, and somehow, we lost them, so Chris called and asked for a new set to be mailed to us. Two months ago.
Now, I could pay out of pocket for a prescription refill and then fill out a form on the Health Equity website to be reimbursed, but a full 30 days of Venlafaxine is not cheap. So I’ve been having the Target pharmacy sell me two weeks’ worth of pills at at time, and then I ran out of those. It’s a stupid excuse, I know. My mental health should be my top priority.
But come on, Moms know, it’s hard to make yourself the top priority when you have a husband who commutes and three kids and have to keep your blogs updated so the ad money doesn’t dry up and your daughter needs new pajamas to wear to the Read-In at school because it would be too embarrassing to send her in the worn out ones she normally wears and etc. etc. etc.
So, I’ve been struggling. That’s what’s been going on with me.
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Twitter: mommyjenna
says:
I understand completely where you are coming from. I have been put back on ADHD meds, which to me as an adult, just seems so weird. I’ve found myself skipping meds on the weekend or even with that, I get afraid of the side effects and try and hold out. It’s easy to try and make excuses but I know exactly what you feel right now!
Anti-depressants and I have had a severe roller coaster of a relationship. I tried several and experienced side effects to varying degrees. Some would help for a while and then stop. Others would just make me crazy with rage. Most would give me lock jaw and the “zaps”. It was miserable. There are many many times when I just didn’t want to take the damn things. A few times I flushed them down the toilet. Sometimes I would just leave them sitting on my windowsill for two weeks before I would start again. It’s really difficult to swallow those things every day. As of right now, I haven’t taken an anti-depressant for 2 or 3 years. I just forced myself to deal with my symptoms. I know it’s not the best solution for me but I just can’t handle the roller coaster.
Twitter: Table4Five
says:
Believe me, I know. When I first started Effexor, I felt like I was going to jump out of my own skin on a regular basis. When I do take it every day, it’s like I wake up to my own life, so I’m determined to keep taking it. Best of luck to you finding something that works.
Twitter: momfiles
says:
My husband took the Effexor for about 5 years. I think until he came to terms with why he was on the medication he was finally able to slowly wean himself off of it and he has started living without it (one day at a time). He went though a lot especially while being on the meds. It’s not easy and I feel for you on having to pay so much because of not having your card. I think we went through something similar until the doc was able to put him on one of the $4 generics. I wish you the best Elizabeth!
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Twitter: Table4Five
says:
I sure wish there was a $4 generic for this! Thanks so much for your kind words of support!
Much better if you take your medicine everyday and on time. And as a Mom, it was totally hard especially in your part. Your sick and need so much rest and peace of mind. So that, to ease the stress that you have been through. I feel that you are a good Wife and a Mother.
Twitter: coach
says:
If everyone wrote so honestly, the internet would be a much better place. Please keep it up! Cheers.
Twitter: coach
says:
Your blog makes the internet a much better place. Please keep it up!
Anxiety and depression is a sickness that needs to be cured,however,you also need all the support to fight this battle from friends. Look at those who commented on this post.Its nice to know that most are listening and advising.I wish you all the best Elizabeth.