Oh Brady Bunch, truer words were never sung. My thoughts are so jumbled up right now that I’m having trouble even figuring out how to explain what I want to explain. This is one of those posts where I try to unravel the tangled mess inside my brain by attempting to channel the flow of thoughts from my head down into my fingers, so that maybe if I get the words onto the screen they will stop buzzing around in my head and let me get a freaking good night’s sleep for a change.
I spend entirely way too much time thinking about blogging. Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I’m a blog-a-holic. Hi Elizabeth. I lay in bed at 2:00 am, 2:30 am, 2:40 am, etc., and flying around in my head like annoying little bees are all these thoughts- I wonder how many new emails I have in Outlook? Oh crap, I forgot to start the Lands’ End giveaway! They are NEVER going to want to work with me again. Shoot, I was supposed to post that review of (insert name of book/CD/DVD/appliance/food product here). When am I going to do that? I already have so much to do tomorrow. Etc. Etc.
If it was just a time-management problem, that would be one thing. The real problem, the problem that doesn’t just keep me up at night but swirls around at the edges of pretty much my every waking thought, is that what I’m really not paying attention to is priorities.
Let’s take a look at what my priorities should be, off the top of my head:
1. My husband and my kids.
2. Keeping my household running.
3. Taking care of MYSELF.
4. Spending time with my real life friends.
5. Interacting with my blog friends.
6. Writing blog posts because I enjoy creative writing.
7. Reviewing products and hosting giveaways.
That’s approximately the order that those priorities SHOULD be in. And hence the title of the post, because the truth is, I’ve been giving almost all of my waking time and energy to blogging and almost none to my husband (or to myself, for that matter).
In fact, I was laying there at 3:00 am on Sunday morning, looking at the back of his head as he slept, and it hit me- my god, this is the man who has stood by me for over TWENTY YEARS, who has given me everything it has been in his power to give, who has put up with my depression and anxiety and PMS and grumpiness, who has continued to love and desire me despite the ridiculously large amount of weight gain, and how am I repaying him?
By jumping out of bed every morning and giving everything I have to my blogs. I’m being brutally honest here, this is not an exaggeration- I’m putting my husband last in that list of priorities. I’m taking him for granted. I’m relying on the fact that he will just always be around and will continue to put up with my shit, and even though that might be the case, it doesn’t mean that our marriage doesn’t need to be nurtured at LEAST as much as my freaking blogs do.
Before I started blogging, I had spent seven years as “just” a stay at home Mom. I wanted something that I was good at, that was enjoyable to do and produced some kind of satisfying result. I tried scrapbooking, I was awful at it. I tried to learn to crochet. Even worse. I felt like I was never going to find something that I was good at that people might remember me for.
And then I discovered blogging. And turned out to be sort of good at it. I was finally putting all those years of creative writing in high school and college to good use. My husband and kids were supportive and understanding when I suddenly wanted to fly off to blogging conferences and events. They listened to me babble on about what was happening in my blog friends’ lives at the dinner table. Finally, I had something that was just mine.
But now here we are 3 1/2 years later, and it’s taken over my life. I never wanted it to be like this! I never wanted to feel like I was drowning in my own blogs. I want it to be FUN again. Something that Jenny from Absolutely Bananas wrote in a recent post has stuck in my head- every time you post, you have to imagine that it will be the first post a new reader encounters. Is that post going to make them want to come back and read again?
And you know what else? I spend so much time thinking about product reviews and giveaways and stats and traffic and search engine optimization that I have forgotten how to just BLOG ABOUT MY LIFE. In fact, I think I’ve forgotten HOW TO HAVE A LIFE. How pathetic is that? I used to have all kinds of things to say about my kids and my life as their Mom, because I took the time to slow down and pay attention. I don’t have time to pay attention to my own kids right now. And THAT, my friends, means it’s TIME TO CHANGE.
In the next few weeks, I’m going to be participating in some really exciting campaigns. I’ve got products to review and give away that I am personally thrilled to be associated with. But in order to save what’s left of my sanity and my marriage, the rest of it, the stuff that is just stuff, that’s going to have to drop way further down on the priorities list.
Because otherwise I am going to burn out in a big way, and I’d prefer to avoid that happening altogether.
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