Chris and I got into an argument this morning,  and he said something that made me realize that my life needs to change. I’ve been a stay at home Mom for 13 years, and at the beginning, I was doing a great job. I kept the house clean, the bills paid, the groceries bought, the meals cooked. He did his fair share, but staying home meant that not only did we not have to pay all but $50 of my weekly paycheck for full-time daycare, but that I could also help keep our home life running smoothly.

For the first seven years, I was pretty happy with how things were going. I liked knowing that people could drop by and I wouldn’t have to cringe with embarrassment over the state of the house. I liked that our bills were always paid on time and that we didn’t have to eat out unless we wanted to, because there was food in the fridge and cupboards and a basic menu plan to go with it.

For a year and a half, starting when the boys were three and five, Chris went on a TDY (Temporary Duty Year) and only came home every other weekend. He was traveling to GM sites upgrading their computer systems while I was at home raising the boys. It was my sole responsibility to see to all of their needs, do all the housework, the laundry, the shopping, everything. And I did it.

We moved a few months before I was due with Kaitlyn, settling into our current house in June of 2005.  I started Table for Five in September of 2005, and got so completely caught up in the world of blogging and being online in general that being a stay at home Mom became secondary.  When I started blogging professionally (meaning, taking on paid blogging assignments) in 2007, the truth is, I stopped being the person mainly responsible for the house and the bills and the groceries, because I had work to do.

Chris was very understanding and supportive at first. I was contributing financially which was really helping us out, and he willingly took on extra work around the house. He would come home from work and cook dinner, do the laundry, give Kaitlyn her baths, whatever needed to be done. And I got more and more stressed out about the state of the house while simultaneously insisting that I just had “one more post to write” or “a few more emails to answer”.

You never expect dumb arguments where both parties say hurtful things out of anger to actually result in something good, but in the case of this morning, that’s exactly what happened. Because as Chris was telling me that he was completely overwhelmed with all his responsibilities, I was realizing that I had all but given up on taking any kind of pride in having a clean house, paid up bills, the food necessary to feed everyone every day.  Chris is completely happy and willing to do his share, but I’ve been putting more and more on him, and that’s just not fair.

There is nothing old-fashioned about homekeeping. When my house is clean, I am less stressed, plain and simple. So instead of bitching about how stressed out I am because the house is so damn messy, I’ve decided to look at it from the other angle. I have the power to do something about it. I can decide that of all the hours I have in the day, I can in fact devote some of them to housework instead of letting it pile up until the weekend and then screeching at everyone about it.

I can choose once again to be a housewife, which simply means a married woman who manages her household.  And that’s exactly what I intend to do.  I’m also going to start redirecting MomReviews and MomCooks here, because it has become too difficult for me to maintain three separate blogs.  You’ll be seeing food-related posts, product reviews, and giveaways. Yes, I know I said I wasn’t going to do those here anymore, but I was wrong. For the sake of my mental health, I have to stop dividing myself into thirds.

So what started as an argument became a realization that I can be a better wife and mother as well as a better blogger. It’s never pleasant to fight, but it’s nice when something good comes out of it.