This past Wednesday, I took Ryan to 7th grade orientation at the middle school he will attend for the next two years.  The reason for the evening was to give new students their class schedules, a map of the building, have them learn to open their locker, find their classrooms and meet their teachers.

I found myself having a really hard time taking a step back and letting Ryan learn for himself.

After we got his class schedule, the map, and a bunch of other papers, I went into this weird Mom mode where I wanted to show him how to find his locker, how to open it, how to get to his classes, rather than letting HIM figure it all out, which is what he’s going to have to do starting next Tuesday anyway.

I found myself introducing myself to his teachers first, and then him, as if what was important was that they meet ME, not the young man they’ll be teaching for the next 180 days.

Good gods, when his history teacher mentioned that he had a class website and a BLOG, I turned into some kind of weird show-off. I actually said, loud enough for 3 or 4 other parents to hear, “you have a blog? Dude!”. No, I really did. And then I walked over to him, pulled a business card out of my purse, and said “I have three blogs!”  What kind of contest was I hoping to win? Was I thinking that I would, you know, BOND with this guy over our mutual knowledge of WordPress and therefore secure my son some kind of better position in the class?

When the Principal announced during the pre-walking around meeting in the gym that there would be a dance coming up next month, I got excited. My son? Not so much. I said “you should go to the dance, it’s a great way to meet other people in your class and you know, girls like going to dances.”  To which my son replied “I’m not going to a dance, Mom.”

I have to let my son be who he is going to be. He is not me. I was a social butterfly in school, he prefers his small group of friends. I went to dances and rollerskating parties and had my first boyfriend in the 6th grade.  He likes chatting with his friends on Xbox Live while they blow each other up playing Halo 2.  And from the few conversations I’ve overheard, none of them are ready for the whole girlfriend thing.

It seems like a hard balance to strike, guiding and shaping a child’s life while also giving them space to grow in their own way.

One thing is for sure- I won’t be emailing blogging tips to Ryan’s History teacher. Hopefully I’ll be over the embarrassment by conferences.