Step One: While getting ready to go to Target, decide that since it’s a warm, sunny day, you’ll wear slip-on shoes with no socks. NEW slip-on shoes.

Step Two: Realize after twenty minutes of walking around at Target that the backs of the slip-on shoes are sliding up and down against your bare heels and raising painful blisters on both of them. Decide to shuffle over to the shoe department and buy the first pair of comfortable shoes you can find.

Step Three: Find the PERFECT pair of Champion slides, with footbeds filled with some kind of gel and covered with satiny fabric, so that each step you take feels like having pillows strapped to your feet. Take off the evil slip-on blistermakers and put on the slides. Which are attached to each other with a piece of white elastic string. Which you can’t take off because you don’t have scissors in your purse.

Step Three Continued: So you have to WALK THROUGH THE STORE with your shoes ATTACHED. Because there is no way you are putting the evil shoes of evil back on, and the slides are just so dang comfortable, and the elastic is long enough that you can walk normally. Except that Target employees keep walking by you and, well, LOOKING AT YOUR FEET.

And yet when I got to the register and took the slides off so the cashier could scan them, then asked if she had scissors in her drawer so I could cut the elastic, she didn’t even blink.

And also, these? Are the MOST COMFORTABLE SLIDES EVER.

And these?