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New Weight Watchers 360 Program – I Lost 20 Pounds!

April 24, 2013 · by · 2 Comments
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I have probably been a member of Weight Watchers a dozen times since the early 90s. Like many people I would make my New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, sign up at the local meeting center, attend a few meetings, and then lose my motivation. I just didn’t like writing down every single component of every single thing I ate, then calculating the fat and fiber grams, or the “points”.

BTW, “Points” or the offical PointsPlus, is how Weight Watchers calculates foods, taking into account a food’s protein, carbs, fat, and fiber. Lean proteins and high fiber carbs have lower PointsPlus values than fattier foods.

Well, this year is the 50th anniversary of Weight Watchers, and their newest program goes way beyond tracking points. Their new program, aptly called Weight Watchers 360°, is a breakthrough approach that challenges members to not only track their food intake (PointsPlus), but also to manage those daily routines and spaces that sabotage weight loss. The new program encompasses three pillars:

· Tracking. Track food with PointsPlus, record weight and physical activity. (This part is what exists now, but spaces and routines are entirely new.)

· Spaces. You create and commit to an action plan and bookmark tips under these six environments: home, shopping, workplace, eating out, travel and occasions). You can get prompts in panic moments like “is fast food your only option?” when you are in the airport.

· Routines. You choose three routines (16 available) to follow every day (e.g., eat fruit with every meal). Record success daily.

I received a 3 month trial of Weight Watchers 360 to try, and while I confess I wasn’t as vigilant with it as I should have been, I used the tips on the site to remind myself to drink water every day, snack and veggies and fruit (still working on that one), and I reduced the amount of packaged and frozen foods we were eating and started making better choices at the grocery store instead of just grabbing what was familiar and convenient.

And lost TWENTY POUNDS!  I was 204.4 when I started and today I’m 183.8. WOO HOO! I still have a long way to go, but just that 20 pounds has made a huge difference. I can walk quickly up the basement stairs instead of taking them one stair at a time and being out of breath at the top.

You don’t have to be perfect on the Weight Watchers program. You just have to set goals and try to meet them every day. If a goal isn’t working, drop it and make another one. There’s no judging!  Of course, you can’t just eat as much of anything you want and wonder why it’s not working. Measuring out a cup of cooked spaghetti or weighing a piece of chicken takes an extra minute, but when you fill the other side of your plate with healthier carbs and lots of veggies, you enjoy that spaghetti or chicken but you don’t end up stuffed and sorry you ate it in the first place.

The best part for tech fans like me is Weight Watchers Mobile. It’s SO AWESOME.  Remember the old Points Slider you had to take to the grocery store and use to figure out the Points of something after scrutinizing the nutritional info on the package? No more! The mobile app has a BARCODE SCANNER you use to get the PointsPlus Value instantly!

For those of you who have been on Weight Watchers in the past, remember when you used to have to count the Points in every piece of fruit you ate? No more! Weight Watchers tells you to eat a “reasonable amount”, so you can’t eat a pound of grapes or 4 bananas and wonder why the scale didn’t budge, but a morning banana, a handful of grapes for a snack, and a sliced apple after dinner is FREE FOOD.

I’ve got another post planned where I want to explain Power Foods and the Simply Filling Technique from Weight Watchers, so watch for that soon. If you haven’t checked out Weight Watchers lately, I highly encourage you to go to http://www.weightwatchers.com/ and see why Weight Watchers is still recommended by doctors (including mine!) and nutritionists (including one I met with last year) as a safe, healthy way to lose weight and keep it off.

I picked some related articles for you to read for more info,  including Dr. Oz talking about Weight Watchers 360 on his show, recipes from a food blogger, and a great deal on Weight Watchers magazine – only $4.99 a year!  I was really happy to get this opportunity to work with Weight Watchers, especially considering I lost 20 pounds in the deal :) Check it out for yourself!

EDITED TO ADD: I wrote the draft of this post on April 20th and sent it to the PR rep just to make sure it was what they were looking for. I’m publishing it today, April 24th. My weight is 182.6! That means I’ve now lost 22 pounds, woo hoo!!

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disclosure: I have received a free 3-month pass to experience Weight Watchers online. I am not being paid to use or endorse Weight Watchers and thoughts are my own.

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Getting Real About My New Year’s Resolutions

January 25, 2012 · by · 9 Comments
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There’s something about the promise of a New Year that makes people think they can change their entire life, right? I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions years ago, because I was just setting myself up for disappointment come New Year’s Eve.

“I’m going to lose 80 pounds this year! That’s only 6 pounds a month, every month, no problem!”

“I’m going to quit smoking this year! I’m sure once I stop, I’ll never want another cigarette again!”

“I’m going to start exercising this year! Once I start, I’m sure I’ll get hooked and want to do it every day!”

The problem with those resolutions is that I’m not finding a secret motivation to really do any of them.   So I was thrilled when I was chosen through Inspiring Social Media to participate in the Trop50 True Resolutions campaign, celebrating the REAL reasons behind New Year’s resolutions.

A True Resolution is one that has a motivation behind it that you might not want to admit out loud. Like, you want to lose weight so your butt looks better in your jeans, which you know the cute guy you see at the coffee shop every morning is always checking out.  Or you want to start exercising so that when you go to your class reunion this summer, you can wear a cute little sundress and look a million times better than the bitchy former cheerleader who was always mean to you but now she’s just fat.

If one of your resolutions is to consume fewer calories, one delicious switch you can make is to Trop50, which offers fruit juice goodness with 50 percent less sugar and calories, and no artificial sweeteners.  I first tasted Trop50 at BlogHer and immediately fell in love with it.  It’s made with real fruit juices and sweetened with Stevia, a natural sweetener made from a plant that has no carbs or calories.  If you love orange juice, apple juice, or lemonade, you really must try Trop50. And the Pomegranate Blueberry – oh man is it good!

THE CAMPAIGN:

On their Facebook page, Trop50 True Resolutions is celebrating the real reasons behind New Year’s resolutions. Share your secret motivation behind your resolutions and you’ll earn a coupon for $1 off Trop50 for yourself and 50¢ off coupons for up to 50 of your friends.

Even though it’s supposed to be a secret, I decided to tell all my wonderful readers what my REAL resolution is this year and why. Ready?

In 2012, I want to lose 30 pounds by August 1st in order to not be sweaty at BlogHer.

At my current size, I break into a sweat when I walk fast, when it’s hot, when I’m nervous. I feel so totally gross and disgusting when I go to hug someone and I can tell my back is all sweaty. When I weighed less at previous BlogHers, I didn’t have the sweating problem. So that’s my True Resolution and my secret motivation – to not be gross and sweaty at BlogHer.

Now it’s your turn! Click the link above for the Trop50 True Resolutions Facebook page and share your secret resolution in exchange for a whole bunch of coupons! You can also follow #Trop50 and @TropicanaOJ on Twitter.  So come on and share – what’s the real motivation behind your New Year’s Resolution?!?

disclosure: I was provided with Trop50 information to share with my readers and a gift card to thank me for my time to promote.

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Why I Didn’t Finish Optifast

May 2, 2011 · by · 2 Comments
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A reader asked on Facebook whatever happened to me and the Optifast program.

It was a 12 week program consisting of 12 weeks of nothing but Optifast liquid shakes, bars, and soup, then it was supposed to be 12 weeks transitioning back to real food.

By week 9, I was begging them to let me eat.

The thought of taking another swallow of a shake or another bite of a bar (I had given up on the soup almost immediately, it was disgusting) made me physically ill. I started skipping meal times because I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore.

I stopped losing weight, naturally.

The clinic behaviorist told me that my problem was I didn’t NEED to lose weight. I wasn’t there because my weight was literally going to kill me sometime soon if I didn’t lose as much as possible as fast as possible. And for that reason, I wasn’t as “motivated” as other participants.

Well then.

I somehow made it to week 12. In those 12 weeks, I lost exactly 9 pounds. I went from 204 to 195 and then my weight loss stopped. Four of those nine were in the first week.

I tried to guzzle the TWELVE 8 ounce glasses of water required a day. I tried to move a whole lot more. I went to clinic meetings early so I could do the exercise circuit in the adjoining room. I sat on giant bouncy balls and tried to do sit ups, I stood on stretchy tubing and did arm curls.

My weight didn’t budge, but I wasn’t going to quit. I figured keeping off nine pounds and increasing my strength was still worth it.

And then one day while driving home from my meeting, I slammed on the brakes to avoid crashing into the idiot who had suddenly stopped right in front of me – and the brakes in the van went out.  I was in traffic going 45 miles an hour, and in order to even slow down, I had to push the pedal all the way to the floor. I drove home with the emergency blinkers on in a state of panic and fear.

As you know, the van’s brakes were completely rusted out (thanks, Michigan road salt!) and the mechanic quoted us $700 for repairs. Might as well have been a million, so we opted to sell it to a junkyard for 200 bucks and become a one vehicle family.

The coworker that Chris carpools with, his wife is also a stay at home Mom with a preschooler, so we came up with a plan: Monday Wed. and Friday, I would drive Chris to his coworker’s house and drop him off, then his coworker would drive them the rest of the way. Then, they would drive together back to his house in the evening and I would meet Chris there to drive him the rest of the way home. On Tuesday and Thursday, Chris would take the car and drive the whole way so his coworker’s wife could have a car those days.

Optifast ONLY met on Tuesday. At a time that was impossible to get to without a car, and if I didn’t already mention it, in another CITY. I couldn’t take a cab or even a bus.  Optifast was run sort of like AA or other 12 step programs, meaning we only knew each other’s first names and shared no personal info, so I had no idea if any of my fellow meeting attendees lived anywhere near me, let alone if any would be willing to pick me up and drive me there and back every week.

And so, I had to drop out of the program. The one time I was really going to stick to it, and I honestly had no choice.

The good news is, I still weigh 195, which means I’ve kept off the 9 pounds. The 9 pounds that cost me $2700 out of pocket because Blue Cross Blue Shield didn’t cover any of it. I didn’t complete the program, so therefore, it wasn’t covered.

$2700 to lose nine pounds. And still, only nine pounds of the EIGHTY I should lose to be at my optimal weight (four foot eleven, age 44, small frame, I should weigh no more than 115).  $2700 that fortunately Chris and I have, because his employer gives them a Health Savings Account for out of pocket medical expenses, which is funded every two weeks right out of Chris’ paycheck.

And so that is what happened with Optifast.

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Optifast Update – Week 5

November 19, 2010 · by · 2 Comments
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I felt really good going into my Week 5 weigh-in. My jeans are loose and my underwear was starting to seem too big.  I hopped up on the scale feeling pretty confident.  My starting weight at the beginning of this program was 204.3. My weight on Tuesday, November 16th 2010 was…

194 Pounds!

Woo hoo!  I’ve lost my first 10 pounds!!  It works out to exactly 2 pounds a week for 5 weeks!  I had Kaitlyn take this photo:

Even though I’m losing weight, it’s still a challenge for me to get all 6 products in most days.  I’m starting to think that for my body, 5 products is enough, but everyone at Optifast keeps pushing me to get 6.  I just nod my head, but in the end, it has to be about what I can do. And what I can do, that certainly seems to be working, is get 5 products in a day.

I’m not worried at all about Thanksgiving next week. I’ll have my regular products in the morning, then count Thanksgiving dinner as two meals, and if I still need another product or two after that, I’ll have them. I’m planning to eat some turkey breast, a little bit of Stove Top stuffing, and maybe a bite of mashed potatoes, because those are my favorite Thanksgiving foods.  I’ll take a water bottle with me so I don’t forget to get my water in too. I think I’ll be fine.

TEN POUNDS! And 3 ounces! Yay!

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Optifast Updates – Week 3 and 4

November 11, 2010 · by · 3 Comments
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Chris being gone for three weeks last month really messed me up, blogging-wise, and I realized I was way behind on Optifast posts. Gee, behind already, what a shock :P

My weigh-in on November 2nd showed a 1 pound weight loss. Not great, but certainly better than 0 pounds and far better than gaining weight. Despite the stress of Chris being gone, I didn’t sit in the living room alone at night and shovel food in my mouth, which the old me definitely would have done.  November 2nd was the last day of Week 3.

At my weigh-in this past Tuesday, Nov. 9th, I was thrilled to see a 2 pound weight loss! Considering I spent Monday night and most of Tuesday eating real food at the Kraft Delicious Byte Blogger Event, I was scared that even though I was following my dietician’s strict instructions regarding what to eat, that I would still show a gain. But I guess all that water I guzzled both days really helped with the extra sodium I’m not used to, and the walking didn’t hurt either! November 9th was the last day of Week 4.

A commenter asked me to explain exactly WHAT I’m eating on Optifast, and I’m happy to tell you! But before I do, I just want to make sure readers understand two things:

1. Optifast is only administered through a medical clinic or hospital. Please do not buy it from someone on eBay or anywhere else online. Please do not attempt to lose weight with Optifast without a doctor’s direct supervision.

2. Please do not substitute anything you read on my blog about Optifast for the advice of a doctor. My experience with it is my own and may not reflect the experiences of other Optifast users. Alrighty then!

Every day I am required to consume 6 Optifast products, which I purchase from Sparrow Weight Management Clinic after my weekly weigh in, Nurse or Nurse + Doctor visit, and group session. Optifast products come in powdered shake mixes, ready to drink shakes which come in a cardboard box with a straw like a juice box, powdered soup mix, and meal replacement bars.

I’m also required to consume 3 scoops of medical-grade Benefiber every day, it’s regular Benefiber with sodium and potassium added since the Optifast products are sodium-free. I also have to drink 64 ounces of water a day, in addition to my coffee and the water I use to mix shakes. Yes, I pee A LOT. I can have calorie-free sweeteners (I like Splenda) and sugar free, calorie free, caffeine free drinks – I like the flavored water sold at Aldi and at Walmart, and I drink Diet Caffeine Free Coke now.

In a typical day, I drink 3 shakes, have 1 soup, and eat two bars. I’m allowed 16 ounces of caffeine a day, so in the morning I have 8 ounces of coffee to which I add one packet of powdered shake mix (either chocolate or vanilla), a scoop of Benefiber, and a packet of Splenda. I stick in my hand blender and whir it around for a few seconds, and it’s done.

Date Started: October 13th, 2010

Starting Weight: 204.3

Height: 4’11? 1/4

BMI (Body Mass Index): 41.3

Goal Weight (based on healthy BMI of 25): 124.3

Total Weight needed to lose: 80 pounds

Week One Weight: 199.7

Total Weight lost: 4.6 pounds

Week Two Weight: 198.7

Total Weight Lost: 5.6 pounds

Week Three Weight: 197.7

Total Weight Lost: 6.6 pounds

Week Four Weight: 195.7

Total Weight Lost: 8.6 pounds

Challenges: Getting in all six products a day, drinking 64 ounces a day of water

Now, I would not be being honest if I said that I haven’t eaten anything not on the Optifast plan, because I have. Once a week I have a junior-size deluxe burger from Wendy’s or Burger King and a few fries from a small order. I skip two Optifast products that day. Was I told to do this? No. Am I doing it because if I don’t, I’ll go insane and eat everything in sight? YES. Letting myself have that burger once a week shows me that I can stay in control of food. I can make a choice and then get right back on my plan.

I have no idea where the internal fortitude to do this is coming from. Honestly, I don’t. All my adult life I have been a quitter. I honestly couldn’t have said for sure before I started Week 1 that I would even make it to Week 5. I was sure that by now, I would be begging the dietician to let me go on an all-food plan, that I wouldn’t be able to drink one more shake for anything. Yet, here I am.

I didn’t take a full-body photo the last two weeks, but here’s one from the Kraft Event – it’s MomReviews (me) meeting Jen from The Mom Reviews!

Comments of a supportive and encouraging nature are always welcome! Tips, Optifast Phase 1 recipes, links to your weight loss blog are also welcome! Thanks for stopping by!

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Never underestimate your problem or your ability to deal with it – my first Optifast post

October 29, 2010 · by · 3 Comments
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PhotobucketTwo months ago, I came home from BlogHer having made myself a promise. At my yearly physical a couple of weeks later, I looked my doctor in the eye and told her I needed serious help to lose weight. That nothing she had previously recommended – Weight Watchers, Alli – had worked, and that if my only option was weight loss surgery, I wanted to talk to someone about that.

That’s the point I had come to, in my head. That the only option left for me was to have bariatric surgery so that I would be physically forced to eat less and therefore, lose weight. It was the thoughts of a desperate woman. My doctor made me an appointment with a local hospital’s Weight Management Center for an intake appointment, where I would spend an hour learning about the clinic and their pre-op preparation program. I was really, really scared, but I went.

It was me and one other lady in a room with the clinic manager, and a sheaf of papers that spelled out what the clinic does. There are two choices – prepare for weight loss surgery, or choose a medically-monitored-and-administered program called Optifast. The average participant in the 24 week Optifast program loses 52 pounds. I could potentially lose 52 pounds without having my stomach cut into again? I signed the heck up for that.

Today, I spent two hours having a barrage of medical tests at the Sparrow Weight Management Center, including a resting metabolic rate test, which they called Body Gem, a body composition test, an EKG, and a physical.  The results of each test came spitting out of machine on a strip of paper.  My problem is so much bigger than I realized.

The body composition test consisted of me standing in my bare feet on this machine, holding two handles in my hands, while an electric current passed through my body.  That must be one fast current, because the piece of paper spit out in no time. And then I wished the earth would open up and swallow me.

People, my body is 49.5 % fat. I have 100.3 pounds of fat on my body. It’s like I swallowed a fifth grader if they were made out of fat. I was completely shocked. I mean, I knew I was obese obviously, but I had no idea I was carrying around that much fat.

I have 104 pounds of “fat free mass”, consisting of muscle, bone, tissue, and fluid.  103.3 is  approximately what I weighed at the end of my Sophomore year of college. Which means that for the last twenty years, I have been packing on pure fat and exactly zero muscle.  And yes, that total is 204.3 Pounds.  Did I mention I’m four foot eleven and a quarter inches tall?

My resting metabolic rate is 1,640 calories.  Factoring in estimated calories burned during weekly exercise (because I WILL be exercising, I have to go to a class at the clinic) and the amount of calories I burn walking around the house, doing dishes, cooking, that sort of thing, and it’s a grand total of 2,271 calories a day.

Their goal for me is to have me burn 600 calories a week, which is 85 calories a day. 2,271-85 = 2,186.  To lose two pounds a week, I subtract another 1,000 from that for a grand total of 1,186 calories a day.

The Optifast program is fewer calories than that a day. The food consists of powdered shake mixes, shakes that are ready-to-drink (RTDs), meal replacement bars, and powdered soup mix. I have to consume 6 products a day, each is around 160 calories. That’s a TOTAL of 960 calories a day.

Yes, that is much lower than what is usually recommended, but the shakes, bars, and soups are formulated so that 6 a day provide 100% of every daily required nutrient. I’ll be getting vitamins, minerals, calcium, and a whopping 84 GRAMS of protein a day. I also have to have 3 servings a day of medical-grade Benefiber, not the kind you can buy at any store. It’s regular Benefiber with extra sodium and potassium, because the Optifast food has no sodium in it.

I also have to have 64 ounces of water a day, in addition to the water I’ll use to mix the shakes, 16 ounces of coffee a day, and caffeine free diet drinks like Crystal Light and caffeine free Diet Coke.

This is really scary, people. What if I can’t do it? What if I crave real food so badly that I go insane and eat everything in sight? On the other hand, holy crap, if this works, then at the end of the 24 week program I could potentially have lost 48 pounds! This isn’t like Weight Watchers where they weigh you in every week and take your money but don’t really care if you lost weight or not. This is a whole TEAM, of nurses, doctors, a dietician, a behaviorist, an exercise specialist – and I have to look them in the eye every week. This is PERSONAL attention, which I have never had before, ever. Which is why I think Weight Watchers has never worked.

Deep breath in. Here I go. Wish me luck.

edited to add: I found this post in my Drafts folder, originally written October 7th.

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Optifast Week 2 Update

October 28, 2010 · by · 10 Comments
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I was disappointed when I got on the scale at weigh in on Tuesday and had only lost one pound. But then the nurse looked at my weekly questionnaire and noticed I had written in that I didn’t have 6 products every day like I’m supposed to. I knew the program calls for 6 products a day, but I’ve been so crazy busy with Chris in Europe on business, that I’ve been forgetting to eat.

Turns out, if you don’t get the 6 products a day, one every two to three hours, your metabolism goes into starvation mode and stores every calorie you take in instead of letting you burn it off. Which is why I only lost a pound this week.

But, the good news is, it’s still a total of 5.6 pounds! And at only 4 foot 11 and a quarter – that quarter inch is important to someone this short :) – 5.6 pounds is already making a visible difference. Here I am at BlogHer in August:

And here I am on Oct. 20th, the beginning of Week 2:

I’m getting a waist already! A couple of days after this photo was taken, I wore my t-shirt tucked in to my jeans. If you’ve ever been overweight, you know how good it feels when you can once again tuck in a shirt :)

Date Started: October 13th, 2010
Starting Weight: 204.3
Height: 4’11? 1/4
BMI (Body Mass Index): 41.3
Goal Weight (based on healthy BMI of 25): 124.3
Total Weight needed to lose: 80 pounds
Week One Weight: 199.77
Week Two Weight: 198.
Total Weight lost: 5.6 pounds

Challenges: Getting in all six products a day, drinking 64 ounces a day of water

Comments of a supportive and encouraging nature are always welcome! Tips, Optifast Phase 1 recipes, links to your weight loss blog are also welcome! Thanks for stopping by!

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Optifast Week 1 Update

October 19, 2010 · by · Leave a Comment
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I had my weigh in today at Sparrow Weight Management – I lost…drumroll, please…

4.6 pounds!

Woo hoo!!!   When the nurse said I could step off the scale, I jumped up and down, yelled “Yay!”, and did a little dance!  I couldn’t believe I had lost that much in 6 days!

They took a “before” picture of me for my chart, but I didn’t take one myself. Since I was the same weight last week as I was at BlogHer, I’m going to use this as my official “before” picture:

Date Started: October 13th, 2010

Starting Weight: 204.3

Height: 4’11″ 1/4

BMI (Body Mass Index): 41.3

Goal Weight (based on healthy BMI of 25): 124.3

Total Weight needed to lose: 80 pounds

Week One Weight: 199.7

Total Weight lost: 4.6 pounds

Challenges: Getting in all six products a day, drinking 64 ounces a day of water

Comments of a supportive and encouraging nature are always welcome! Tips, Optifast Phase 1 recipes, links to your weight loss blog are also welcome! Thanks for stopping by!

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Got my head shrunk. Felt weird.

October 11, 2010 · by · 11 Comments
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As part of the pre-Optifast testing I went through, I had an hour and a half consult with a behaviorist named Richard. I forgot to ask him if he was a psychiatrist or a psychologist, googling the word behaviorist made it seem like it could be either. Before the appointment I filled out a 12-question questionnaire, so he had that, plus the 15 other pages I filled out about my perssonal, medical, fitness, and weight loss history.

The questions I answered were about my mood over the seven days previous, and I had to say whether they had been less likely, more likely, or extremely likely to occur. Questions like “I felt irritated at my family and friends”, “I felt hopeless”, “I found myself getting angry easily”. Of the 12 questions, I answered that four of them had been “extremely likely” to occur. I don’t even remember which four, although I’m happy to say I answered “less likely” to the feeling hopeless one.

What amazed me is that from my answers to those questions plus a couple he picked out from the 15 other pages, Richard was able to pretty much figure me out exactly. He knew, even though it wasn’t a specific question, that my Dad had been emotionally distant and wasn’t home much while I was growing up. He knew that the beginning of my weight gain coincided with my moving out of my parent’s house, that I felt like I had to grow up too fast. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t for him to figure me out that precisely.

He said I was a perfectionist, compulsive, and have “interpersonal hostility” tendencies. He’s not wrong.

Despite being treated for chronic depression since my mid-20s, I’ve never had counseling or therapy. Insurance doesn’t cover it, and I always felt like nothing I had been through was really that big of a deal that it needed professional help to get through. According to Richard, I’m wrong about that. Twice during our session he suggested a find a counselor and get some help to work through some issues. Imagine my surprise at hearing that.

The thing is, there was something that happened to me when I was a child that I’ve always known has affected me throughout my life. I’ve never written about it here because I…well…I don’t know. I don’t want to be looked at as some kind of victim, I don’t want the label. I feel guilty because there are people who have been through truly horrible things as children, and my tiny, one-time-only thing seems so insignificant compared to that. Who am I to whine about one thing when others have suffered so much?

Does that make any sense?

Here’s the thing about the session with Richard that also surprised me – as I sat there walking him through my life from childhood to now, telling him all my deepest secrets, I felt better. He said things like “I’m so sorry” and “you were right to do that” and “that must have been so hard for you”. I never knew how good it would feel to have a professional hear me out and let me know that it’s okay to feel bad about the mistakes I’ve made, and that I can overcome them.

That I do not have to be defined by who I was.  That I can start from right now and be better.

I have a long, long way to go, people. I have at least 65 pounds of fat to lose in order to just be “overweight” and not “extremely obsese”.  I’ll have to confront my feelings about food, and hunger, and comfort. I’ll have to deal with how being a smaller size makes me feel.  I’m terrified about all of it. My fear of failure is so great that I can’t even believe I’ve gotten this far, and I haven’t even really started.

It helps to know that all of you are out there.

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A Promise I Am Making – As Blog Is My Witness

August 11, 2010 · by · 19 Comments
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According to a report from Harvard Medical School, “Each time you take a step, you put about one and a half times your weight on your foot. If you run or play tennis, three to four times your weight lands on each foot whenever it hits the ground. Every pound you gain in weight adds to the pounding on your feet.”

From the time I had to walk a mile and a half from one end of Terminal C to the completely opposite end of Terminal A at the Detroit Airport last Thursday, my feet started to hurt. During the evening Bee Squad event, I stood for two hours and then finally had to sit down to get the pressure off my feet. At the People’s Party, I finally took off my high heeled sandals and walked barefoot the rest of the night.

Friday I walked, and walked, and walked. And stood around waiting for elevators. And walked some more. I tried to massage my feet before I went to bed but it still took a while to fall asleep due to shooting pains in the bottoms of both feet.

Saturday morning, I got a reflexology foot massage at the Unilever event. My eyes rolled into the back of my head more than once, and I had to force myself not to moan inappropriately. For about two hours after that massage, my feet didn’t hurt at all. But after more hours of walking and standing, and then dancing at the Sparklecorn party, my feet had finally had enough.

I woke myself up crying in the middle of the night. The bottoms of my feet felt like they were being stabbed with hot needles. Nothing I did helped. I tossed and turned, rubbed my feet against the cool parts of the sheets, and somehow was able to fall back asleep.

Sunday morning I looked at myself in the full-length closet mirror in the room and gave myself a stern lecture. I told myself that this was the last straw. I may not have the highest self-esteem in the world, but dammit, I’m important. I am worthy. I deserve to be able to move around comfortably.

I have issues from my past that I believe have led me to be this overweight. I can’t afford therapy and am not even sure it would help. I know exactly what the issues are, exactly what makes me afraid to be thin. I also believe that I have the power to overcome those fears. Because I HAVE to.

I cannot make it through another BlogHer at this weight. I never want to experience the kind of pain I had this past weekend again, ever. I do not care what it takes. If I can’t make myself enough of a priority to get myself in shape by next year, I am not going to BlogHer. Even if I have a sponsor.

I hope that doesn’t scare off prospective sponsors, but it has to be said. I have to set a goal big enough to really want it. It has to be something that I can circle on the calendar and work towards. And the goal has to be something I want badly enough that failure is not an option.

Regular readers know that I’ve been down this road before. I’ve announced my joining of Weight Watchers, my intention to start exercising, so I know what you’re thinking. But I’ve never dangled this big of a carrot in front of my nose before. The only other time I set a goal to lose weight and was successful was for my wedding. And I went from 160 to 125 in 8 months.

I’m purposely not throwing out numbers or dates right now. I don’t want to set a goal weight number and then fail to meet it. I’m thinking in terms of physical comfort goals:

Being able to go down into my basement, throw in a load of laundry, turn around, and climb back up the stairs without my heart pounding and breaking a sweat

Being able to scrub my kitchen floor without developing an ache in my hips and thighs and breaking a sweat

Being able to be on my feet for several hours, walking and standing, without my feet hurting

In order to accurately recreate the physical requirements of BlogHer, I figure I need to go to the mall wearing a 15 pound backpack and then walk a mile, stand still for 30 minutes, walk another mile, and then stand still again. Oh, and pick up a couple of shopping bags along the way, and gradually fill them so they get heavier, and heavier.

So here’s what I am going to do – I’m going to plan to be at BlogHer next year. I assume it will be held the first weekend of August. If I haven’t lost what I consider to be enough weight by say, May of next year, I won’t buy a plane ticket to San Diego.

I’m thinking now though, that it’s too vague. How much weight is “enough”? What about pants sizes instead? Okay, I’m going to tentatively say that I want to be a size 14 by next May. Minimum. I’m an 18 now.

Obviously that isn’t model-thin, but I think it would be a loss of what, 25 or 30 pounds? That would have to make a significant difference in the way I feel on my feet all day, right?

The category for my weight loss posts will be “Blogging My Butt Off”. So if you want to follow along with my progress, make suggestions, send me encouragement, whatever, look for posts in that category.

May 2011. Size 14. 25 or 30 pounds. Whichever comes first. Or no BlogHer next year. That’s the carrot I’m dangling in front of my nose to get myself motivated.

Because I’m worth it.

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