Two months ago, I came home from BlogHer having made myself a promise. At my yearly physical a couple of weeks later, I looked my doctor in the eye and told her I needed serious help to lose weight. That nothing she had previously recommended – Weight Watchers, Alli – had worked, and that if my only option was weight loss surgery, I wanted to talk to someone about that.

That’s the point I had come to, in my head. That the only option left for me was to have bariatric surgery so that I would be physically forced to eat less and therefore, lose weight. It was the thoughts of a desperate woman. My doctor made me an appointment with a local hospital’s Weight Management Center for an intake appointment, where I would spend an hour learning about the clinic and their pre-op preparation program. I was really, really scared, but I went.

It was me and one other lady in a room with the clinic manager, and a sheaf of papers that spelled out what the clinic does. There are two choices – prepare for weight loss surgery, or choose a medically-monitored-and-administered program called Optifast. The average participant in the 24 week Optifast program loses 52 pounds. I could potentially lose 52 pounds without having my stomach cut into again? I signed the heck up for that.

Today, I spent two hours having a barrage of medical tests at the Sparrow Weight Management Center, including a resting metabolic rate test, which they called Body Gem, a body composition test, an EKG, and a physical.  The results of each test came spitting out of machine on a strip of paper.  My problem is so much bigger than I realized.

The body composition test consisted of me standing in my bare feet on this machine, holding two handles in my hands, while an electric current passed through my body.  That must be one fast current, because the piece of paper spit out in no time. And then I wished the earth would open up and swallow me.

People, my body is 49.5 % fat. I have 100.3 pounds of fat on my body. It’s like I swallowed a fifth grader if they were made out of fat. I was completely shocked. I mean, I knew I was obese obviously, but I had no idea I was carrying around that much fat.

I have 104 pounds of “fat free mass”, consisting of muscle, bone, tissue, and fluid.  103.3 is  approximately what I weighed at the end of my Sophomore year of college. Which means that for the last twenty years, I have been packing on pure fat and exactly zero muscle.  And yes, that total is 204.3 Pounds.  Did I mention I’m four foot eleven and a quarter inches tall?

My resting metabolic rate is 1,640 calories.  Factoring in estimated calories burned during weekly exercise (because I WILL be exercising, I have to go to a class at the clinic) and the amount of calories I burn walking around the house, doing dishes, cooking, that sort of thing, and it’s a grand total of 2,271 calories a day.

Their goal for me is to have me burn 600 calories a week, which is 85 calories a day. 2,271-85 = 2,186.  To lose two pounds a week, I subtract another 1,000 from that for a grand total of 1,186 calories a day.

The Optifast program is fewer calories than that a day. The food consists of powdered shake mixes, shakes that are ready-to-drink (RTDs), meal replacement bars, and powdered soup mix. I have to consume 6 products a day, each is around 160 calories. That’s a TOTAL of 960 calories a day.

Yes, that is much lower than what is usually recommended, but the shakes, bars, and soups are formulated so that 6 a day provide 100% of every daily required nutrient. I’ll be getting vitamins, minerals, calcium, and a whopping 84 GRAMS of protein a day. I also have to have 3 servings a day of medical-grade Benefiber, not the kind you can buy at any store. It’s regular Benefiber with extra sodium and potassium, because the Optifast food has no sodium in it.

I also have to have 64 ounces of water a day, in addition to the water I’ll use to mix the shakes, 16 ounces of coffee a day, and caffeine free diet drinks like Crystal Light and caffeine free Diet Coke.

This is really scary, people. What if I can’t do it? What if I crave real food so badly that I go insane and eat everything in sight? On the other hand, holy crap, if this works, then at the end of the 24 week program I could potentially have lost 48 pounds! This isn’t like Weight Watchers where they weigh you in every week and take your money but don’t really care if you lost weight or not. This is a whole TEAM, of nurses, doctors, a dietician, a behaviorist, an exercise specialist – and I have to look them in the eye every week. This is PERSONAL attention, which I have never had before, ever. Which is why I think Weight Watchers has never worked.

Deep breath in. Here I go. Wish me luck.

edited to add: I found this post in my Drafts folder, originally written October 7th.